Who has never experienced the traumatic experience of losing a loved one?Losses can be more or less radical, from the separation of friends, from children who move away from the circumstances of life, divorce, or even the most radical of all: death. all the losses are painful and make us take off, as sometimes they happen mysteriously (and unexpectedly), put us in real challenges that represent a great opportunity for personal growth.
It is inevitable that we will be with people for several reasons: the greatest and most important of them is affection; In addition, our loved ones also meet some of our practical needs, making our lives easier and more comfortable, so a loss means that at the same time we find ourselves without significant support points in our existence, which makes us lose our balance and live a difficult and painful but necessary period, known as mourning.
- We must leave room for grief.
- We must not repress it.
- Like it or not.
- Being vulnerable is part of human nature.
During the mourning period, we have strong symptoms of all kinds: physical, psychological, mental and social: such as insomnia, lack of energy, colds and other opportunistic diseases, due to the depression of the immune system; irritability, lack of appetite, weight loss or gain, apathy, memory and concentration problems, anxiety, substance abuse: such as alcohol, tobacco or other drugs; sadness, anger, despair, guilt, social isolation, poor job performance, depression, suicidal thoughts, among others.
The list is very long, isn’t it? And the worst part is that not all the “symptoms” were mentioned, that is, a few more could be added. However, the idea is to show the seriousness of the case to understand that it takes a lot of patience and compassion towards oneself at this difficult time.
Be patient, because you must be clear that bereavement is a normal and necessary process, grief allows us to reflect on the meaning of the event and thus assimilate it, in order to move forward.
And also have compassion, because the loss of a loved one is nothing, and it is normal that it affects us deeply and that we need time to face what happened.
Therefore, because each person is unique, the way of living the duel also varies, but generally speaking, an important duel is overcome after one or two years.
Although we know that grief is normal, we must prevent it from becoming something more serious, which prevents us from moving forward, so we must also do our part and take a proactive approach to “getting out of the hole”.
Some valuable strategies for “checking light”: seek practical help and emotional support from family and friends, seek psychological help, participate in support groups, practice relaxation techniques, meditate, breathe, pray (if they are religious), and engage in physical activities. Occupations.
However, on top of all this, there is a secret to overcoming what has happened, and it is precisely to be aware of the ideas we have about the loss of a loved one, if there is anything that worsens and makes grief an eternity. pain, is the feeling of emptiness, of thinking that without the person we are not complete, that we need it to be good and even to survive, this happens when we care too much about a particular person, which makes his absence simply devastating.
However, this feeling is an illusion, because absolutely everything in life is temporary and passing, and our true happiness is not outside, but, curiously, within ourselves, that is why losses, after all, help us, because at the same time by overcoming this sad stage, we also value this immense treasure that we are ourselves, that is, , do we learn, even in pain, that we can live in our own business and that, despite everything, we can go our own way?
This essential and beautiful truth, which we attain if we can understand and internalize, in all its depth, allows us to overcome any kind of loss. This truth is known to be expressed by Anthony de Mello in the following sentence: “What you are looking for and what you are fleeing is in you. “
Image credits: Hartwig HKD