Receive assumptions that are not necessary. Be subject to constant censorship. Recommend what to do or not to do. Use blackmail, manipulative language that steals motivation and even self-esteem?The way parents control their adult children is often so wheezing that it would be possible to write a book.
However, this book would actually be a diary of suffering and repentance reduced to silence, because reaching adulthood and having on her back the elongated shadow of the father who supervises and criticizes or of the mother who uses a thousand tricks to maintain control diminishes dignity and makes all these dynamics in our society unvisitable.
- A society that continues to exalt the work of parents and sees in the family that refuge from unconditional love that envelops and enriches everything.
- However.
- Sometimes parents and their styles of education and education act as factories of misfortune.
- Suffering inoculated in childhood and which.
- In many cases.
- Persists into adulthood.
Why are parents in control of their children?Why, in most cases, can’t these children escape this influence?Let’s look at the question.
Many parents control their adult children closely and far, no matter if this son or daughter has already left the family home and has a family and a life of their own, the umbilical cord remains intact and, through it, this poisoned love continues to be nourished in search of a single goal: to keep the children in need of their parents.
If we ask ourselves what is behind the need for control in these types of dynamics, the answer is simple: whoever seeks control tries to alleviate the feeling of lack.
In this case, what parents seek is to defend themselves from loneliness by convincing their children that they are always essential to them, proximity (and dominance) gives them the feeling of remaining useful, of having power and, therefore, of alleviating low self-esteem and that distorted personality that does not see the suffering generated by their behavior.
The fact that children are already adults does not in any way exclude their need for control. Techniques should be more sophisticated, but anyone who has been a psychological manipulator for half or a lifetime always finds ways and strategies. it matters if the child is still home or is already gone. Control nets continue to expand and drown with great skill.
Those who control, as we already know, do so motivated by feelings of deprivation, but also by fear; they fear that a child’s life will go their way with independence, maturity and freedom away from home. control of his own existence interpreted as an offense, and do emotions as strong as anger, anger, and anguish instantly arise?
Seeing how children dare to make decisions about their work and personal affairs at all times is interpreted as a threat, and the controlling parent will make the child understand that by taking this step, what he will achieve is nothing more than hurting him. , why?” How dare you go to work in another city and leave me alone ??,” How do you get it through your head to find a boyfriend or girlfriend now that I need you?
This type of father builds walls only so that life does not flow, so the daily life of children is completely watertight.
Parents who control their children do it in a disguised, indirect and painful way, it is a type of manipulation so insidious that children do not know exactly how to explain the situation when they seek help through psychological therapy.
This web that imprisons and restricts freedoms, in fact, has always been around them, encapsulating them in such a way that sometimes children assume something that is not normal at all.
It is imperative to reflect on our relationship with our parents. We must do this to understand (regardless of our age) whether this bond offers us well-being or suffering. We mention the latter because there are those who do not understand how the shadow of the middle family and distorts their quality of life.
The best thing in any case is to speak safely and clearly with our parents about how we want things to be for the good of all, moreover, and not least, we must not neglect another essential aspect: healing all these years of constant wear and tear.
These injuries often leave the mark of low self-esteem and even post-traumatic stress disorder. Let’s keep that in mind.