The feeling of connecting deeply with someone is so magical and rewarding that it can blind us, the fullness we experience in certain emotional bonds, in addition to our own needs and desires, can lead us to distort the image we have of certain people. placing the other on one pedestal is dangerous and harmful on several levels.
It is worth thinking that identifying, evaluating and enhancing the positive qualities of those with whom we share life is beneficial, however, if we fall into the trap of idealizing them, denying their dark parts, we will avoid seeing them and seeing ourselves. as we really are. When this happens, when we place the other in a higher position, our own personal expression suffers. Let’s see why.
- It is not always easy to identify when we idealize someone.
- The feelings we feel in having a high conception of each other are seemingly pleasant and positive.
- We admire their virtues.
- We appreciate their company and we are fortunate that the magical coincidence that this person has The problem arises when he forgets that.
- Like everyone else.
- This person is a human being and therefore imperfect.
We are wrong when we have so much idealization that it completely obscures our capacity for discernment. Identifying where others can improve doesn’t mean you’ll stop loving them, on the contrary; Accepting the person with their lights and shadows improves any relationship, in this sense, putting the other on a pedestal does not help.
Idealization occurs frequently in the field of romantic relationships, this is caused by the biochemical reactions of the initial passion, however, if everything follows its natural course, the passage of time helps us to know more deeply our partner, transforming the relationship into a quieter one. and a more sincere love, in which the other is more clearly seen.
However, those who have low self-esteem, fear of rejection or abandonment, and in particular younger people, may be aware of this first step. By idealizing the couple, in addition to exaggerating in their qualities, assigning others that do not actually have them, there is also blindness in points that could improve, in this way the person acquires an air of perfection, infallibility and superiority in the eyes of those who idealize him.
One of the big problems with idealization is that it can generate submission. If the other is apparently “perfect,” everything you say or ask for must be a law and a security point. Idealizing the couple can also lead us to focus excessively and exclusively. about him, setting aside other important areas and aspects of our lives.
Paradoxically, the idealized also suffer because they carry each other’s expectations on their back, with the task of completing them and making them happy, in this way, the idealized person may feel that their partner doesn’t really know them or that it is unlikely to be a stimulant to make them grow.
In addition, this situation can also occur in relationships that are not loving: work, family, friends, etc. , so not only love can be hurt.
So, if you’ve detected this trend in your life and want to stop putting yourself on a pedestal, start by removing the candles, try to objectively analyze each other’s situations, conversations and actions.
Ask yourself what you really think and don’t be afraid to disagree, don’t be afraid that any of the other’s characteristics or attitudes will upset you or seem unlikely, if you love it, let him make mistakes and start seeing you as a human being in the flesh.
Similarly, start empowering yourself. Often, what arouses admiration and fascination when we see it in others is exactly what we would like for ourselves, so work on yourself, form, heal and become your best version.