We could define impulses as a series of particularly intense forces to direct our behavior, to gain our ability to reason, and even, dare I say, to force ourselves to act in a way we would never want. Controlling impulses is an arduous task that requires self-control training and constant practice, so that our ability to calm your energy exceeds your command character.
We are emotional beings and much of our present and our future is and will be conditioned by our handling of our sensitivity, we also know that each emotion has its own function, negative or positive, serve to mobilize us and respond to a crossroads that requires a decision on our part.
- Sadness helps us face a loss and protects us to catch our breath in our privacy.
- Fear invites us to flee.
- Escape or avoid a potential danger that could compromise our lives.
- Anger increases our capacity for self-defense.
- Etc.
Although allied in most cases, emotions can become problematic when they become functional, when they damage our lives, our environment and ourselves. This is where good emotional management makes all the difference.
Many people are struggling with overflowing emotions, it is as if the volume control button is on the maximum of what you can feel.
There are people who see the challenge of controlling their impulses as a steep slope due to a low capacity for emotional regulation; specifically, this pattern is usually present in the border-limiting personality disorder, in which situations are lived following the voice of impulses. without intermediate points: one day I love you and the next day I hate you, one day my work is the passion of my life and the next I hate it.
On the other hand, high-sensitivity people also tend to experience this under impulse control because they are unable to tolerate any discomfort, always tell themselves that they should not feel bad, that they do not have to feel negative emotions and that denial inevitably leads to an increase in these feelings.
The genetic part, although related, is not solely responsible for this way of being and behaving, if part of our personality has been programmed from birth, it can also depend a lot on the experiences we have in our lives, especially in childhood.
Certain traumas, abandonments, parental neglect, humiliations and disabling environments in which we have been prevented from moving or experiencing emotions of any kind are the main responsible for low tolerance for discomfort, lack of emotional control and interpersonal inefficiency.
Today’s psychology has developed a multitude of techniques and strategies to elevate our ability to control our impulses that, in Marsha Linehan’s words, help to have a life worth living.
The first thing you should know is that the techniques will make sense whenever you recognize that you have an impulse control problem and decide that you want to implement an effective strategy to solve it, if that doesn’t happen, nothing we say here will help you, because the first step is to accept who you are, how you behave and know what your goal is , which is where you want to go.
Once this problem is solved, you will be ready to take advantage of the techniques that we will present to you below, for them to work you will need patience, willpower and hope, it is a slow but productive process.
What skills can we implement?
You can say that “talking is easy” and you’re right: it’s easy to talk about it, but hard to implement. Still, let’s try it, what does it mean to tolerate discomfort?Basically, it’s about learning once and for all and internalizing the idea that pain is inevitable and unpredictable, I don’t just mean emotional pain, because physical pain is also like that.
You never know when a bee can sting you, for example, and if so, you’ll have to tolerate pain for a while, until you apply something to fix it. To apply tolerance to discomfort, there are three steps you must first follow, in that order: distract, relax and face it. Once this is done, you will be better able to carry out a radical acceptance of life’s emotions and discomfort, so that problems do not overcome it.
Emotions are very intense, but short-lived; Therefore, distracting is essential, as it will slowly diminish, the best forms of distraction are those that affect others, for example, calling a trusted friend and talking about an irrelevant topic or asking him how he is.
We can also participate in activities we like. Some examples: watering and pruning plants, running, going to the beach or taking a bubble bath. What we want with distraction is that you don’t make decisions or do anything you can regret. In this way, your emotional warmth will decrease and soon you will be able to see the situation from a greater distance.
To relax it is important that you educate your five senses so that you pay attention to the present, relax with your smell, vision, hearing, taste and touch and create a plan that works for you, because not all relaxing activities work the same way for everyone. You can sit on a park bench, leave the phone at home and pay attention to what’s going on: what do you see, kids?What color are your eyes?What is the predominant aroma in the environment?Do you hear the laughter of the children playing?
This is the most difficult task because it is about solving the problem that has tormented you, to apply this strategy you need to take pencil and paper and focus on the problem, not on the emotion, it is not about getting dizzy when you repeat how bad you feel; we already know that emotions invade your body, now let them stay there and solve the problem.
To do this, you can ask yourself: what is the problem ?, is it my job, my partner, my friends?, what do I want to achieve?What are the ways I want to do that?Will anyone get hurt if I implement these alternatives?By answering these questions, you will be much more able to make a coherent decision about the problem and execute the adaptation plan.
Are you eager to implement these strategies today?Keep an eye on your goal in life, and when you feel the emotional tsunami approaching, STOP and practice these techniques. With perseverance and effort, you will emerge from the trap, in which you are trapped today Trust in yourself!