Today we’re going to talk about the psychology of grudges, bad people always have a piece of burning coal, they do it with the intention of throwing that coal at those who offended him at the most unthinkable time.
However, those who end up burning are not the others, but themselves, for they keep these embers for a long time, burning from this source of anger, hatred and discomfort.
- While right now a person full of resentment that we know comes to mind.
- There is one aspect that we cannot overlook.
- This dimension.
- This deep (and certainly self-destructive) feeling is not experienced exclusively by those who do not know how to practice the healthy exercise of forgiveness.
In fact, this topic has an opposite depth, nuances and dimensions in which we can all fall at some point, so it must be said that in addition to what may seem, we are faced with a kind of very recurring feeling.
Those who generally feel resentment are, for example, people who have been hurt, abandoned or betrayed in their family environment. Anyone who has been cheated on in a romantic relationship, for example, suffers greatly.
The grudge is also a permanent feeling that inhabits those who have survived war or armed conflict. They are, in a way, understandable situations, even if they are not psychologically healthy.
This is unhealthy because, first of all, spite is characterized by a highly harmful fact: chronicity, are dying states that last over time, which endure to the point of interfering in other areas of life.
It changes the mood, you lose confidence in others, attitudes vary and even changes the way we treat the people around us, spite is like rust, spreads and ends up weakening the whole structure, the whole identity.
“Resentment goes hand in hand with pain that you wanted to feel through the object of your grudge. -Albert Camus-
Bad people have a safe inside. They hide the weight of prejudice, the pain of error, betrayal, or even abandonment or offense.
This box is shielded for an obvious reason: you don’t want to forget anything that happened, so, in all this compressed and well-maintained moral damage, there is a sadness that, in a moment, has mutated and turned into anger and then hatred.
So, to all this?Psychological tissue ?, a final element is usually added: the desire for revenge, not in its direct sense or with violent components, because what the person wants, in most cases, is that, in a way, the person who has caused him so much the damage suffers in the same way; in the same currency, the same kind of suffering and the same conditions.
Therefore, and knowing this, it is common for irritated people to have the following characteristics:
Sometimes it’s very hard to forgive. We all know that, however, we must know that forgiveness is first and foremost a step that allows us to complete a stage and regain emotional balance.
Thus, and with regard to this type of profile characterized by a deep resentment, it should be noted that in addition to not wanting to forgive, people feed their own suffering by remembering the weight of offense or the damage suffered in the day to day.
Therefore, there is constant feedback and, with it, an intensification of suffering. In fact, studies such as that conducted by the University of Pisa and published in Frontiers in Human Neurosciencenos reveal that feeding resentment opens up even more emotional wounds.
However, the act of forgiveness regulates a large number of neural structures, promotes calmness, reduces stress and activates areas such as the prefrontal cortex (linked to problem solving).
You’re either with me or against me. Things are black or white, or you help me, or you betray me. This type of approach is part of a clear cognitive distortion.
It is a very rigid pattern of thought that people do not resent or even conscious, because they are used to always facing extremes, to find themselves in highly polarized positions where all they can do is establish enormous and bitter distances with those around them. .
Pride is a workhorse that invades, destroys and transforms everything, this feature makes these kinds of people always defensive, feel hurt and heavily hurt at least they have been told.
It is not easy to live, talk or make agreements with those who always get carried away by pride, because of that attitude that always takes a personal position.
Unsurprisingly, these people have the right to feel negative feelings for those who have hurt them, yet there is one aspect that does not fit with psychological normality: keeping that anger, that painful memory and the impression that accompanies it ends up becoming a chronic bitterness.
We have full responsibility for taking responsibility for what happened and moving forward. Moving forward is not forgetting, it is learning to use certain psychological strategies to deal with injuries and offer us new opportunities.
Thus, he who does not do this, who cannot escape, to find a valid way out of so much anger and bitterness, ends up turning the grudge into his way of life.
An article published in a journal of behavioral psychology referred to an interesting study conducted at the University of Ontario in Canada on the same subject, which discussed the need to provide tools to resentful people to achieve emotional forgiveness.
This dimension, this health exercise, is decisive for a very simple reason: it allows us to free ourselves from negative emotions to generate a new psychological reality from which to start working.
In conclusion, as they say, spite is a bottomless abyss or a fart without borders, no one deserves to live forever in such scenarios.
That’s why we need to learn how to build exhaust valves, ways to free ourselves and breathe with more peace of mind and dignity.