Feeling grudges implies a significant and constant sense of anger that does not dissipate, we have all experienced it at some point in life, this feeling can often become a desire for revenge and become obsessive, in this case we must stop, reflect and become obsessive. , if necessary, seek professional help.
In some cases, the reason for this conflict may be irrelevant; for many others, however, a small affront represents greater aggression. In both cases, the trigger that triggers the feeling is the same. Memories trigger the same emotions we feel during negative events. Every time an external trigger reminds us of these events, we suffer a lot.
“When you hate someone, you hate something inside you in your image. “
-Herman Hesse-
If the resentful person has been subjected to great aggression, he may suffer much more than the aggressor himself, because if the former is deeply wounded, the second may feel calm and guilt-free.
One of the greatest difficulties of grudges has to do with a lack of expressiveness, often the person who hurt us did not realize that he was hurting us and yet we increased the wound with a distinctly useless grudge.
To end the grudge you have to know how to forgive and dialogue. A forgiveness that is a product of understanding and understanding the defects or deficiencies of the other. Forgive without authorizing further assault. When you forgive resentment, you free yourself and give way to positive emotions.
Severing to think about what happened and moving forward helps us heal our hearts, this healing is the result of the reason, good heart, and wisdom we have accumulated throughout our lives.
Everything has to be analyzed in detail: why this happened, the extent to which I am responsible or not for this problem, what is the responsibility of the other in this situation, to see if there is a solution, even if it is partial, to improve the situation a little and to make the right decisions in a sensible, objective and impartial way. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
When we feel resentment, it is important to vent, depending on our personality and the extent of the aggression, we should not simply remain silent, as this can lead to depression or aggression.
When the facts are recent and we are still very affected by the situation, it is difficult to be objective, reasonable and fair, it is like putting out a gas fire. In this case, it’s best to calm down before making a decision. Life goes on; Will the sun rise again tomorrow?and more trouble will arise. Life is a constant “fall and climb”.
Don’t stay in the past and don’t question the facts. What has happened has happened and we must move on. Taking the victim position doesn’t help solve the problem, redo what you can, or start over.
The desire to release this resentment will be fundamental. Depending on how we resolve this situation, we can grow as people, stagnate and even back down. Learning or not is a personal decision; it’s better to learn of your own free will than to be bound by circumstance.
It’s important to learn from experiences. If we act correctly, an offense received, rather than representing shame, will over time become a solid foundation for facing life: the effort to overcome grudges is a great investment in ourselves.
However, if after some attempts, the person still insists on hurting you, you’d better go. We may not be the right person to show you that this won’t get you anywhere.
There’s no point in arguing with people, because it only increases suffering. Where there is a lot of hatred and bitterness, the environment can become problematic and even dangerous; can trigger an escalation of aggression with unpredictable negative consequences.