Rediscovering a lost love can be the spark that gives life to this seemingly dead and sleeping fire, a clash between two instantly recognized souls, but which bring with them other crossroads lived, greater maturity and unique experiences. can shape an exceptional story. Other times, it means repeating the mistakes of the past.
We live in a time when it is not difficult to meet with childhood friends and, of course, those with whom we have had (or have not had) an emotional, even intimate relationship.
- Lost loves are also those figures who have awakened our illusions.
- Fantasies or platonic ideals.
- But with which.
- By circumstances.
- We do not establish any connection.
Therefore, it is very common to search for these names on social networks to regain contact, sometimes we do so out of curiosity. Others, for the express desire to be in touch again.
Often, fate itself and chance ensure this reunion and make us, almost without knowing how, experience sensations that we thought were forgotten.
In addition to what you might think, studies and studies such as those of psychologist Nancy Kalish of the University of California show that many of these reunions lead to relationships that, in many cases, succeed.
However, there are also factors that can lead to failures. Let’s look at more data below.
“We split up to see each other again” – John Gay-
People come together with others at a very specific time in their lives and do so with their fears, insecurities, inexperiences and needs in the present, now, if we leave that relationship at some point and meet years later, something very unique will happen.
Our emotions will come together. There will be a family spark that will ignite the feelings of the past, the smell of good times (because people tend to forget bad times), the cadence of a known song.
However, although we are the same souls in the same bodies, we are very different people, life has shaped us, learning has shaped us and our gaze is, in many cases, more prudent, wiser and more correct.
All this leads us to ask ourselves whether the rediscovery of lost love can be positive or not, would it be wise to restart this relationship?What about the person I still recognize from the person I met?
Nancy Kalish, a psychologist at the University of California, specializes in this issue of Lost and Found Love. Lost and Found Lovers offers a comprehensive study in more than 35 countries.
The goal was to find out what percentage of success the resumption of relationships left at some point in the past was.
Psychologist Thomas Lewis, author of A General Theory of Love, explains in his book that in his youth many of us follow the ideal of romantic love, we seek to build relationships from this impossible structure in which, little by little, we model relationships full of dependencies and vulnerability.
However, as we mature, we realize this error, we have learned that love is not only a passion, but also a commitment, we realize the need to respect spaces and individualities, but taking care of this space to witness affections, communications. Projects.
Time and experience make some (not all) people see the need to cultivate mature and conscious love; on the other hand, there is also a very interesting factor that anthropologist Helen Fisher points out in her work: sometimes people experience what she calls “attraction to frustration. “
That is, we are aware that in the past we have made mistakes with certain people. We are frustrated by this immaturity, by the mistakes of inexperienced young people. We believe that there are unfinished stories in us and that they deserve a “second. “opportunity. ” and bolder endings.
So we took our chances; Hence our desire to regain a relationship from the past, a rescue that is more likely to be a success, if these aspects are overlooked.
We cannot go back to the same conditions yesterday, we cannot and should not afford to fall into the same mistakes, even if we look a way, in reality a lot has changed and many aspects need to be analyzed.
There are loves that certainly deserve new chapters, on the other hand, there are others who have had a proper and deserved end point in the past.