Sigmund Freud said that couple love is not a date, but an encounter, now who are we going to see again?With all the love that preceded this new union, with the affection of the mother, the father, all the dear figures of childhood, of all the previous couples?Anyway, all this emotional constellation we’re a part of influences our romantic relationships.
The human being carries the idea that couple love is a kind of panacea, the definitive response to their loneliness and the guarantee of fullness and happiness. The father of psychoanalysis also said that when we come across great love, quite the opposite. Instead of finally feeling complete, we feel more incomplete than ever. As a result, one understands that one deeply needs the affection of the other.
“All you give is ask, and all you ask for is love. Sigmund Freud?
No one can deny that sometimes the relationship becomes an event for those who live it, this does not necessarily entail a radical change in life, but in perception, so that the world seems more meaningful and evokes, for a moment, what Freud called “death pulse”, this secret desire to stand still and know nothing forever.
All this is precisely what makes couple love so deceptive, gives us a sense of fullness, but it also makes us feel more needy than ever, it takes us to the heights of happiness, but it also generates cause for suffering.
It is an interesting and wonderful experience that, however, does not give a definitive answer to our emptiness, our shortcomings and our lack of meaning.
Life takes place amid many paradoxes, as far as sentimental relationships are concerned, there is a disconcerting duality: when someone needs a lot of love, they cannot build it, strengthen it or let it germinate. generate a series of distortions in their perception and actions, which prevent the seed of affection from healing.
A person with many problems, great gaps and confusion needs help, inside he does not find the tranquility or the answers he needs to overcome his discomfort and emotional suffering, so the relationship creates the illusion that help is so sought after. sooner or later, this is not enough.
Many love disappointments have to do with this: believing that true love would have the power to save a situation in which diffuse discomfort prevails, however, the person quickly realizes that this is not happening or the relationship becomes unworkable by unrest.
This cycle can be repeated over and over again, because that’s exactly what a neurotic does: it repeats indefinitely the experiences you want to get rid of.
Those who need love or need love do not always behave like those who seek affection, this deprivation also gives rise to other kinds of behaviors. Then there are those who use sex to hide their discomfort, who immerse themselves in work addictively or who become blind slaves to selfish and incensary success.
If a person has no love, gets sick one way or another, we all need important emotional connections to overcome our narcissism and our ‘death impulse’, however, while for some romantic relationships they remain the promised land they want to reach, for others they represent the country of the unheard, a place where they do not want to be, even if they have to pay a high price.
In both cases there is an idealization, couple love is more of a life experience than a fundamental experience, however, there are other links that can save us, save us from ourselves and the ghosts that haunt us, for example, the bond that can be established with a psychologist, that is, the therapeutic bond.
Freud said that any search for analysis was a search for love, and the psychology professional is able to respond to this research through a healing process.