The development of a secure attachment protects the mental health of young people, not having to deal with the various problems that may arise in their relationships due to the presence of a harmful bond during childhood will help you in the future, however, caregivers are prepared to encourage this type of attachment?
Every time we deal with attachment we do so by focusing on children, but today we are going to treat caregivers as protagonists, these numbers are so important that we often blame them, but they have also had their own experiences and what is going on. is that they may never have been taught to act differently.
- We believe it is natural for caregivers to educate children as they have been educated or to go to the opposite end.
- In any case.
- By reference to their own experience and the conclusions that have been internalized.
“Children with safe relationships: the starting point of a life full of possibilities. -Anonymous-
It is very difficult for an adult to be able to give their child a safe attachment if he has an unstable or anxious attachment, so it is important for caregivers to work on this aspect, either alone or with the help of a psychologist. With good advice and good concentration, you can reach the 3 fundamental pillars of safe attachment.
What are these pillars? The constant sense of security, the desire for closeness and emotional regulation, if the caregiver does not acquire and integrate these pillars it is very difficult to pass them on, inadvertently conveys an attachment to his children that is far from true.
This process can seem very difficult, especially for those who have never been able to develop a secure attachment to any of their relationships, so the professional sought by caregivers should work, first of all, the safe attachment in the adult-therapist relationship. attachment is not only between the caregiver and your child, but also in other types of relationships, such as between a partner or a friendship.
Above all, the therapist will assist the caregiver in various tasks: detecting their emotions, identifying them, understanding them and expressing them correctly, in these cases repression or emotional anesthesia is a very common thing, whose origin can be trauma or an experience that has marked it significantly, recounting this experience so that the person can integrate it into their life story in a positive way will be one of the pillars of safe attachment.
Removing children’s feelings is not a good thing, as they could eventually lead to emotional problems and even fall into depression, it is best to always have a constant dialogue with them to express your emotions with words and not tears. ? -Anonymous-
Once the caregiver knows how to relate to a secure attachment and has left behind the insecure or anxious attachment he has suffered, it is time to take the next step and communicate with the children in this new way. If you have properly internalized the safe attachment, this will not be a problem, otherwise we will have to go back and continue working on the adult-therapist relationship.
While we want to be able to give children the attachment that will bring so many benefits, it’s important to pay attention to ourselves first. In addition, in many cases, it is necessary to think of children to find enough motivation to continue and not leave the way “halfway”.
It’s not about running away. It doesn’t matter if the years have passed, at least when we’re ready we’ll know that we can do well because we’ve changed and improved, when we think that what we’re doing is absurd, that we’re not doing it. we’re going to change something because we’re older or because it’s a waste of time, we need to stop thinking about ourselves and think about them, how much we can help them if we make that change.
Do we want to see our children suffering from emotional dependence and deep depression tomorrow?Do we want them to be unable to establish stable relationships with someone because of the deep fear of being abandoned?It’s real and happens more often than you think, lack of self-confidence, fears, insecurities, addiction?
“If we want an independent and self-confident child, we will have to try to establish a safe relationship with him. This means being present and available, understanding and meeting your needs as such. -Mariel Bonnefon-
Healing is not only important to our children, but also to us, we will enjoy a better balance, we will feel happier and we will be able to have healthier relationships with others, it is worth it in all aspects, so let us not deny ourselves the right to mature in that sense, to grow and to learn to communicate in any other way. With a certain attachment they didn’t give us, but we recovered.