We often say yes when we’d really like to say no. Why are we doing this? What is going on with us Are we unable to express our true desires?In this article we will try to answer this question: why say yes when you mean no?Behind this paradox, we find different causes that have to do with self-affirmation.
Andre Salter (1940) defined the concept of assertiveness as a personality trait. Specifically, he defined it as “the expression of personal rights and feelings. “In other words, self-affirmation includes the ability to say “no?”When it really means no.
- Salter’s research came to the following conclusion: circumstances influence the likelihood of assertiveness.
- Which does not prevent people from being more assertive or not learning.
Thus, self-affirmation includes the defense of our rights and needs, and the ability to express our desires sincerely, without hurting or hurting anyone, in a courteous but direct manner. In the words of common language, this means not “letting ourselves be”. trampled “without losing his head and using inappropriate shapes.
Why do we only say that on certain occasions or with certain people?What makes us unstable, why do we tend to say yes when we mean no?We will try to clarify these issues in the following article.
As we have seen, solving this problem has a lot to do with assertiveness. But what prevents us from expressing what we really want in certain situations?Let’s look at the factors that can explain this:
There are people who have a particular talent for expressing their opinions and desires with freedom, clarity and sincerity. When they are forced to do something they don’t want to do, they just say “no. “However, people who don’t have this ability naturally, or who haven’t worked so hard, tend to say yes when they mean no.
It can be said that it is the great cause that would involve the following explanations, since we are not affirmative for any reason, as we will see below Behind this are fears, insecurities, lack of self-esteem?
When we are too concerned about the opinions of others, we tend to accept things we don’t really want; somehow, we fear being judged if we don’t think the same way as others, or we’ll be bad. we will be criticized, etc.
This can be changed by working in particular on our self-esteem and increasing our ability to be who we really want to be. The reality is that without good self-esteem, no matter what others think or say about us, because we will always need more Remember that self-esteem is the one that always accompanies us!
“There is no love that can fill the void of a person who does not love himself. “Irene Orce, journalist?
Who do you want you to like? People end up accepting situations (from simple to complex) that they don’t like, in turn getting the approval of others.
To some extent, wanting to be loved by others is very natural; we seek to feel accepted and loved because we are social beings, that is, we not only seek love when we say yes to something that we do not want, but we also seek acceptance of it.
It was already spoken by the psychologist Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) when he tried to define human needs through his hierarchical pyramid. Maslow talks about two links that have to do with what has been said: the need for affiliation and recognition. sense of belonging through friendship and affection, among others, and recognition through trust, self-recognition, etc.
Going back to the previous point, if we think about it rationally, who really loves us accepts us as we are, besides, we know very well that it is literally impossible for everyone to love us (and we don’t need it to look good !). If we love each other, why do we need more?
“Being yourself in a world that constantly tries to become something else is the greatest achievement. “Ralph Waldo Emerson?
We often mistakenly think that we don’t know how to justify ourselves, don’t we?means we should say a ‘yes’. That is not true; There will be times when we won’t know exactly why we don’t like something in particular, and that doesn’t mean we should accept it.
We have to listen to each other and simply, if we don’t want to do something at some point, choose to reject the proposal or order.
Another possible reason why we tend to say yes when we mean that no, linked to the previous ones, is the existence of insecurities, when we do not know clearly what we want or do not accept ourselves in one way or another, are we more likely to doubt things?In relation to this, there is a phrase: “Whoever does not know what he wants, does not understand what he finds. “
On the other hand, when we are not sure of ourselves, feelings of guilt tend to appear after the “no. “Will he feel bad if I say no?So we make the mistake of accepting things we don’t want, just for fear of letting us down.
As we have seen, there are several reasons behind this action, what is clear is that we are more likely to fall into the act of trying to please others by saying yes to proposals that we do not want when our self-esteem is low or not. When we don’t feel strong enough
In this sense, it is essential to know each other and find our own way, in this way we will be better able to affirm ourselves and express our opinions freely.
Self-know-how leaves little doubt! This process, luckily or unfortunately, lasts a lifetime. Make your way, open your eyes to learning and you’ll see that, little by little, you’ll only say yes when you really want to.