With new ideas about education and positive discipline, the ‘no’ of our parents and grandparents came to be considered something almost demonic, many parents feel adrift, without formulas to impose standards, so they look for a way to impose your criteria. But without giving the impression of being authoritarian and excessively restrictive parents, in this article we will learn to say no in a positive way.
He didn’t? That our children deserve, when we believe that we should go against one of their desires, it is better to be unreasonable, based on powerful reasons, on the other hand, there are intermediate degrees between no and yes. , for example, to do whatever you want later, when circumstances are most appropriate. We can also propose alternatives that we deem appropriate and that may be attractive to them.
- The key is to help our children gradually self-regulate and learn to act according to certain rules.
- Although it is a long and constant process.
- We must not forget that they are children and that we are responsible for their education.
- Can be as beautiful as it is long.
Children are curious by nature, the saddest thing is that some of this anxiety seems to disappear when we become adults. No? They have curbed this curiosity because it must somehow annoy adults, while teaching the school, based on repetitions and more repetitions, has not helped either.
On the other hand, it is very difficult to find the balance between allowing our child to explore and release his curiosity and live with our fear that something is happening. If we’re very nervous and let him master our anxiety, is he likely to say no?be our resource and let’s yell? Don’t do that??” Don’t go,” “don’t touch it. “So, it’s clear we don’t say it, right, in a positive way.
On the other hand, we can try to make an effort, but in this effort we also accumulate anxiety, an anguish from which we often get rid of shouting: use this?that frightens and disorients our children. They think, “Why are you yelling at me after I asked permission and you gave it to me?”
In this sense, it is better that we accompany our children in their “singer” explorations. Let’s take a realistic look at what a real danger means: nothing happens if you fall to the lawn, but falling down a ladder can be more complicated, we will follow them, but keeping a certain distance. We are slowly increasing the freedom we give them and increasing our confidence in their judgment as they grow.
On many occasions we abuse ‘no’ ‘no’. If we don’t want them to touch something, we can say, “Cut, is it dirty?Is it mine, your father’s or your brother’s?”We can also explain the function of things: “Chairs are to sit down”, or “Things, animals and plants should be treated with respect and care”, and explain the reason for our actions: “I speak or do this, but when I finish I can give you attention. “, our children will understand better what is going on, at least much better than with a sharp and inexplicable “no”.
Do routines and rules also help us say less?No, for example, “It’s time to take a shower and then we go to bed because tomorrow is school?Dinner?? After eating the food, you can enjoy the dessert you love, because your body will thank you for eating something that makes you strong ?.
And so we could give several examples that make the children gain judgment. It also serves to explain the consequences of what they do, for example: “If you hit your brother or your friends, they probably won’t want to play with you later?Will the studies help you pass the test?Yes? In an organized home, it will be easier to find what you are looking for.
While this is clearly negative, alternatives are options that also help our children make their own decisions in the future. Sometimes we will face some kind of struggle, and although we are adults and we always have the last word, forcing our children to submit to this system, leaving at least a small space to defend their ideas and change their minds. opinion, attitude that will not help them in their growth. Sometimes it will be exhausting to chat with them, and we can exhaust our patience with their energy, that is for sure; but with a different attitude, even if it’s harder for us, we’ll help you more, too.
This helps to give alternatives like 😕 The knife is very sharp, but can you help me assemble the salad?It’s raining, it’s cold to go out, but can we play, cook or put together a puzzle at home ?,?You can play another 5 minutes and when we get home I’ll tell you a story ?. For example, offering an option can help them lie down more easily: it’s bedtime, but you can take whatever you want to bed, a stuffed animal, a doll, a story, etc.
We’ll face the kids, talk firmly, without screaming, and use your name to talk to them. There’s no reason for us to be rude or rude, insult or say things we can regret. Let’s change our speech. For example, “I’m angry that you broke this or did this, I didn’t like what you did. “
Let’s talk about actions, and let’s not tell the child that what he did at some point defines him, for example: Did you do something stupid?And you’re not stupid, sometimes you take a lot of time to get things done?You’re a tramp. Let’s take the example and be consistent. For example, if we promise something, like playing a little after you brush your teeth:?You didn’t want to brush your teeth, so there won’t be a story?Yes? We’re not going to put the puzzle together, why not get back from the park in time?
Find alternative ways to put limits on our children without falling into the constant?Or never say it, it makes us smart educators, because we are smart when we can say no in a positive way, this means renewing educational models with judgment, reasons and meaning.
This new approach will probably require effort, and at first it can be more exhausting, but when we get used to dynamics, the effort will be much less, because we will have prepared our children to understand for themselves our views, and we will have helped to internalize an appropriate criterion to decide which desires to satisfy and which ones not.