Murakami said that the deepest rivers flow with the greatest tranquility, shyness has almost the same traits, however, this serenity is not always accompanied by personal satisfaction, because shy people often suffer the pains of isolation, weight from the misunderstanding of others and the anxiety of not being highly qualified socially. These are the secrets of shyness that we will talk about in this article.
It was in the nineteenth century that shyness was first evoked in psychological terms, specifically in 1820, that the researcher Leigh Hunt published a series of curious works in which he mixed the characteristics of this type of personality with an image at once symbolic and exaggerated poetic.
“Has silence always been my preferred way of acting?My best defense against the world? -Matthew Quick-
He said shy people were like some kind of flower, “decreasing violet. “Its amethyst hue caught a lot of attention, they were able to germinate in almost all soils because their roots were strong. However, his body still seems hunched over, looking at the ground. Goethe himself found them so fascinating that he used to carry seeds in his pockets to disperse them; according to him, help make the world even more beautiful thanks to this kind of flower.
Shyness is not really romantic at all, because while it can be a blessing, it can also have a desperate burden. Murray B Stain, a professor of psychiatry at the University of San Diego, says it is a very complex behavioral profile that requires more studies to be known.
Today, we still have a very partial and even erroneous conception of this trait.
It is not the same shyness as introversion, this is a fact that must be clarified from the beginning given the popularity of the personality introverted in recent years thanks to books like that of dr. Susan Cain, profiles is that shy people often have serious complications in relationships.
This uncontrollable fear of being negatively evaluated causes shy people to often avoid a large number of situations, which take a step back to certain proposals, events or social dynamics. So what can bring relief first by escaping?from this situation of stress or anxiety, causes them in the long run to experience frustration, anger and shame, gradually feeding a terrible vicious cycle.
Faced with the question of why this is the case, why shyness causes this insecurity, this low social competence or this feeling of anxiety in certain situations, the answer seems to be in our genes ”. The psychologist Jerome Kagan, famous for his contributions to personality, says there is a genetic component in shyness, but it doesn’t really permanently determine our behavior.
We can all change and abandon these sometimes limiting links
It is certainly a great secret about shyness that not everyone knows: a child can come into the world with extreme shyness, yet this inhibition can lead to openness and audacity if the family environment is favorable, if he has the right confidence and social coexistence. skills to get out of isolation.
We can all, regardless of age, create spaces for more open relationships by working on self-confidence, self-esteem and our social relationship skills to reduce shyness.
“It is easy to confuse shyness with coldness and silence with indifference. -Lisa Kleypas-
There are different degrees of shyness. In fact, everyone, however outgoing and impulsive we consider ourselves, we live it every day, there are always specific moments when we feel insecure, when we doubt our abilities and are afraid of being evaluated in a negative way. Normal.
However, another secret that many people may be unaware of is that shyness has another rather unfavorable extreme, it is estimated that about 5% of shy people suffer from social anxiety disorder or social phobia, in fact a large part of this population does not receive treatment or psychological care, which is desperate because with this help they could improve, regain control of their lives.
Therefore, treatments such as seroxat and cognitive behavioral therapy can be very effective.
On the other hand, it is important to say that there are people who are characterized by a slight shyness that does not completely limit their social skills, are, as the researcher Leigh Hunt would say, bright violets with a porridge head that appreciate their spaces. of loneliness, his psychological depth and, of course, his reserved style.
In Indiana, USA, there is the Institute for Research on Shyness, an institution that regularly publishes articles on the subject, recently it has been revealed that a third of the population described with this profile affirms that, in their case, more than one Source of problems, shyness is a way of enjoying life from another perspective, more prudent and distant.
On the other hand, however, we still have a clearly dissatisfied and unhappy part of the population who see new technologies as a safer way to communicate, but who do not realize that this further intensifies their social isolation. intuition, very different realities in the profile of shyness, an area that certainly requires more attention and understanding.