Often, people who have had harmful and destructive relationships find that repeating the same pattern with different people, it can be frustrating and painful to see the lack of luck that accompanies us in love, but the truth is that the choice of object is not a matter of luck.
It is not luck that leads us to make connections with the same type of person several times, it is our unconscious who guides us in the shadows. Therefore, it is very necessary to analyze our decisions and discover the origin that motivates them.
“Until you make your unconscious aware, it will lead your life and you will call it destiny. “Carl G. Jung
Emotional dependence is a pathological attachment style based on emotional impairment. The need for approval and fear of abandonment are so intense that the individual accepts abuse and humiliation. In return, their goal is to keep the relationship from ending.
When the couple ends up (usually by the other member’s decision), the emotional dependent runs out of a pillar that holds it, then suffers a kind of withdrawal syndrome that causes it to reconnect as quickly as possible, however, the pattern tends to fade. repeats himself and the person re-enters into a conflicting, unstable and painful relationship.
It is common that after several similar experiences, the person wonders how it is possible to continue to be always in relation to cold and abusive people. People who end up increasingly with their self-esteem already altered. It is important to understand that it is precisely this lack of self-esteem that leads the addict to unconsciously select this type of partner.
Anyone with an adequate emotional balance seeks to connect with similar people to establish a reciprocal and symmetrical exchange, however, emotional dependents are attracted to people who perceive them as superiors and tend to idealize them.
This supposed superiority generally does not imply that the individual actually possesses particular qualities; it is fierce self-esteem and overflowing self-confidence that arouses the addict’s fascination.
They find in these individuals the ideal of what they lack: self-love, so it is common for the dependent to be much smarter and capable than their partner, but none of them perceive the situation in this way.
This high self-esteem often translates into narcissism and selfishness, in fact, the objects chosen are generally self-centered, manipulative and lacking in empathy, they are cold and inaccessible people who feel good and deserve all privileges.
Its overvaluation is perfectly complemented by the underestimation of the dependent, which offers the praise and dedication that the narcissist believes he deserves.
Another relevant feature of object selection is the dominant tendency of partners, their narcissism leads them to seek a higher position in the relationship and to demand subordination to the other.
Again a perfect couple is formed, because the emotionally dependent person (because of his lack of self-esteem) does not eclipse the narcissist, on the contrary, admires, praises and constantly elevates it.
He ignores his faults and submits to all kinds of humiliations and contempt, even to normalize them.
After analyzing these characteristics, it is clear that the union between emotional and narcissistic addicts is not the result of bad luck, their qualities and flaws complement each other perfectly, causing each one to obtain from the other what he unconsciously seeks.
This is not a conscious or deliberate decision, no one voluntarily chooses an exploitative and abusive person with whom to share their life, however, until the person has the courage to look at their own gaps head-on, the cycle will continue.
Therefore, if you have identified with the above in this article, if you have ever found yourself immersed in this type of asymmetrical and harmful relationship, be careful, analyze what makes you choose this object in your relationships and take care of the source. of the problem.
Only by working on your self-esteem can you eliminate fears and needs, only in this way will you reach a position that allows you to communicate on an equal footing with love and respect.