Self-buttoning is the tendency to impose blockages, limits and complications on the way to goals or objectives, if you look back you can find several examples of situations in which, not knowing why or how, you have failed in your way Your goal A possible explanation of this failure is self-buttoning.
Self-buttoning represents the enemy in us. Perhaps this will protect us to some extent from short-term failure, but also from success. The boycotter creates padlocks or brakes and unconsciously says, “Can’t I?”When faced with difficult times. Then we will see more often 4 types of self-buttoning.
- The first and most common type of self-buttoning is to deny yourself your needs or desires.
- Self-botage is masked by phrases like.
- “I don’t care.
- ” “I don’t like it.
- ” “I don’t care.
- “You want that.
- ” yes? I don’t care this way.
- The person protects himself from failure (and accepts that he must work to improve his skills) or success (and accepts that he can aspire to more and deserves to be recognized).
In this case, self-buttoning occurs when the person denies wanting to achieve a goal or unconsciously rejects a personal need, it is very important to detect when a goal or goal does not really interest us and when it is the fear of not being up to the task that causes boycott, because with this difference we begin to create a personal shield against self-buttoning.
“Trusting yourself does not guarantee success, but not doing so guarantees failure. -Albert Bandura-
One of the most effective ways to fail, both personally and professionally, is to postpone things: “I have to do something, but I will do it later. “Dilation is a toxic habit because it causes the false perception that “are we in that?”when in reality what we’re doing is indefinitely postponing the completion of a task.
Procrastination acts as a shield against the feeling of incapacity, it is a defense mechanism because it protects us and prevents us from being tested, and makes us feel that we are on the path to our goal When?There’s nothing more bad than that.
Lack of coherence is one of the most common self-button masks, perseverance is a skill that must be applied every day and little by little, starting a project and abandoning it along the way guarantees failure and is a habit that is limited.
The function of self-botage when we leave things in half is very clear: if you don’t complete the task you won’t have to evaluate whether you did it right or not, it may not work out and we don’t know in other words, self-buttoning also protects people who think they don’t deserve personal triumph from success and therefore , boycott themselves.
Decision-making gives us a degree of responsibility that varies depending on the importance of the decision, self-buttoning protects us from any sense of responsibility and therefore prevents us from taking important positions and power.
Therefore, avoiding decisions is another mask behind which self-buttoning is hidden, preventing us from taking care of our lives, raising our voices and making clear what our decision is; In addition, this type of self-buttoning keeps us in the role of spectators. (not actor) of our lives. The danger of being a spectator of our lives is that this attitude reinforces the idea that we are not good enough to aspire to more.
Human animals facing a difficulty have three options: face, avoid or postpone, that is, we can seek a solution to our situation (face it), try to convince ourselves that it does not affect us or not. annoy us and look the other way (avoid it), or wait to see what happens or how things are going without a defined period of time (report) Although it is true that taking the time and doing nothing is an effective strategy to seek solutions, deferring it indefinitely is a habit that impoverishes our own self-esteem.
If during our adolescence and youth we choose to avoid several times, we will waste situations that would allow us to acquire new skills, at the same time, if we avoid dealing with what we are living and if we lose the growth opportunities that are presented to us. , we developed an evasive personality model.
The evasive personality pattern is directly related to self-buttoning. As the habit is to avoid, the person is convinced that?Or something? It doesn’t work?. This is because he has no skills, but not because he does not have the ability to overcome the situation and grow on a personal level.
A person with an evasive personality pattern feels unable to overcome the challenges and reinforces this limitation, the main mistake is that not having skills is the same as not being able, we must stop avoiding what makes us doubt our abilities and give us the opportunity to grow as a person Remembers: without challenge there is no growth.
Having little appreciation for your own personal characteristics makes you a little loved, if we don’t like each other very much, we’ll be used to distrusting our abilities, so the relationship between self-buttoning and low self-destruction. Estimated.
A person with low self-esteem does not give himself the opportunity to grow, or to demand a little to get out of his comfort zone, he has deeply engraved in his heart that he does not deserve an opportunity, he will not be able to set the tone or feel that he does not have Courage enough to aspire to a goal. In addition to all this, low self-esteem can be one of the causes of self-sabotage.
“The task we must consider is not to be sure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity. -Erich Fromm-
Growing up in a family environment that overprotects from the “dangers” of the world leads us to incorporate into our own psychological characteristics two messages about ourselves and our capabilities. The first message is: “My family loves me, protects me and me. I’m not alone, and the second is “you have to protect me and help me because I can’t do it alone and I’m not strong enough. “
In this way, when a family is very protective, it sends these two messages that are inseparable, and it is the second that promotes self-buttoning, since excessive protection to the family makes us depend on others to feel safe and able to meet the challenges.
Thus, once we reach adulthood, since we must become socially independent from our own family, self-buttoning appears as a form of protection; the protection of the family is becoming less and less, while sabotage becomes more and more present.
Self-buttoning works like a fish biting my tail: since I don’t get the chance, I don’t challenge myself and therefore don’t win in personal development, so I miss the opportunity to acquire new skills and improve the ones I already have. That’s why I still think “I can’t,” “I don’t want to,” or it doesn’t work for me.
Remember that many people (not to say all) have a small boycott themselves and must learn to live with it. This little boycott will always tell us that we are not able to achieve what we have decided to do, this will make us doubt to infinity and keep us in our comfort zone, because only then does this little enemy remain calm and comfortable. The trick is to learn to listen to your doubts without getting into your game. Yes, in fact, we are talking about precision jobs that often require a lot of patience.
For all these reasons that we have described, self-sabotage generates a constant sense of uncertainty, is a system that is being perpetuated and, therefore, it is necessary to perceive its presence and break as soon as possible the vicious circle that feeds it.
To overcome self-buttoning you can improve your self-esteem, detect your strengths to increase them and also identify your weaknesses to improve them but above all, give it the opportunity, this is the main key to winning self-buttoning.