We live in a society full of professional, social and family demands, so it’s hard not to be on the wave with our own personal requests, then we’ll talk more about personal demand and the need for control.
Sometimes it’s almost impossible to take a break when society is changing so fast. We have endless to-do lists, multiple schedules that “help us”. to organize and optimize time, the commitments we must fulfill, and tasks at home or with the family in which we must be present.
- “Will I be a good mother?”.
- “If I stay late.
- My work will be more valued”.
- “I can’t go wrong”.
- “My friends like me”.
- Are some of the most frequently asked questions.
This imposed need to achieve a goal can lead us to the mistaken belief that perfection can and must be achieved in all or most areas of our lives.
Setting goals gives meaning to life; the problem arises when we set tireless goals, either because they were created from ideals or because the goals we set ourselves are unrealistic: “I will never be late for work. “
It is good to encourage ourselves to perform the thoughtful task of separating the things we do during the day into two columns, with the criterion of whether we consider them an obligation or whether they are part of our choices. Should I or should I and in the second “I want it or would I like it”. Let’s look at a very simple example:
“I have to stay home this weekend because I have to clean, wash and iron clothes. However, I want to go to the beach because I would like to disconnect from the whole working week and lie down to rest?
Faced with this situation, the mind begins to find a balance between the para and the cons of each of the options:?Or ‘rest on the beach’. This is where the need for control arises, to structure our lives from the desirable, from what is expected of us or from the ideal that we articulate in our head.
We even boycott our desire to go to the beach with the excuse that, if we go, on Monday we will have many more accumulated tasks, those of home and daily work, school, appointments, etc. It is this anxious and negative anticipation that causes the anguish of being trapped, the obsession to take advantage of time and the fear of not being productive.
Perhaps just thinking like that encourages the need to stay home, we feel tied up as the days go by and we’re comforted by the idea that ‘another weekend will come. ‘
Understanding that life is constantly changing and that we cannot, even if we want to, control everything will help us make decisions based on our personal health and well-being concerns, needs, pleasures or desires.
Choosing to take control of our lives without our own demands will free us from the stress, pressure, frustration or helplessness generated by the self-imposed obligations of an ideal of excellence or perfection.
By freeing ourselves from this burden, we give ourselves permission to do the following:
“We strive every day to achieve the impossible,” said Tal Ben-Shahar, a professor at Harvard University, in his book The Harvard Way to Be Happy. Approximately 86% of the people around us are perfectionists and the main reason for their discontent is the constant pursuit of perfection.
Learning to step on the accelerator or loosen the handbrake is not an easy task, but it is very rewarding.
It’s worth a try. We’re not going to lose anything with that.