There is no doubt that we are social beings, we like to please people and share with them. But can this need for approval hurt us?This is one of the keys to emotional dependence. Do you need to be loved by everyone or just by those who are really important to you?Who are these relevant people in your life?
I invite you to ask your questions and try to answer each one. It’s one thing to be aware of what you want to do and know what you’d like your loved ones to approve. Another is to think that if everyone doesn’t like you, things aren’t worth it?As subtle as the difference is, it’s still important. Read on to find out how everything influences your well-being!
- “If you don’t know how to love yourself.
- You’re going to have a hard time loving someone.
- Then you’ll be angry about the time and energy they give to someone else you don’t even give yourself.
- -Burbara De Angelisi-.
Emotionally dependent people need affection, attention and approval from people, feel an irrational fear of loneliness and abandonment, which will make them more submissive in their interpersonal relationships, they also have a great desire for exclusivity and say they cannot imagine life. without his partner.
As a result, they have a persistent pattern of emotional needs that they are unable to meet on their own, so they try to satisfy them by establishing inappropriate relationships with others, that is, develop parasitic and asymmetrical relationships, performing actions. of all kinds and conditions, which justify with one objective: that the relationship is not over.
“The worst loneliness is not being comfortable with yourself. – Mark Twain-
And that’s not all. They want to feel so much protection and affection that they seek it in each other in such a way that they are even canceled, regardless of the quality of the relationship, in order to maintain it. Intense and unstable bonds, rather than healthy ones. Of course, everyone likes to feel loved, but?we’re not prepared to do anything for that, are we?
The problem with emotional dependence is that if the person does not receive the attention and affection he needs, irrational doubts arise about his own worth and the consideration that others have for us, which will influence our self-esteem and the emotions we will feel.
Thus feelings of rejection, denial and abandonment arise, in this way sadness becomes very intense, which can lead to a vicious cycle of emotional emptiness and chronic dissatisfaction from which it is very difficult to get out: depression.
But not only that, the fear of being alone that prompts people to do anything to avoid loneliness increases anxiety symptoms, the person anticipates the possibility of this happening, which makes them very nervous and gets involved in relationships emotional toxicity.
As you can imagine, emotionally dependent people have low self-esteem and perceive themselves negatively, a fact that again leads to a greater need to seek the support and affection of others, that is, to be good, they need other people to be good. with that.
The reality is that the only person we spend our whole lives with is ourselves, so it is essential to base our well-being on the pursuit of our own approval, not that of all, what do I mean by that?How important is that the first person we try to please with what we do is ourselves.
“People who want more approval get less, and those who want less get more. “Wayne Dyer.
But what else can we do to love each other more?A very simple exercise would be to try to find every day something that makes us feel good, both physically and psychologically, at first it is a task that will take time, because we are not used to renting, but in the long run it will encourage a positive affection with us. In this way, we will reduce pathological emotional dependence, love yourself!
Images courtesy of Rebecca Matthews, Adam Jang and Hope House Press.