It’s likely that after a certain period of life together, you’ll already know what’s bothering or inspecting your partner. However, stubbornness and selfishness are sometimes stronger. No one really wants to fight at home; we all prefer that everything be wonderful and that no problem hinders the relationship, but what are we doing to achieve it?Are we really playing a more conciliatory role, avoiding discussing issues that we already know will be discussed or like to put more firewood?
According to an Ohio University study in the United States, couples argue “incorrectly,” which is why injuries generally don’t “heal” so easily. This leads to estating, separation, and even divorce, it’s true that there are many dissents within a marriage (it’s impossible to think and say the same thing 100% of the time), but you may act in a way that irreversibly hurts your partner. .
- Romantic relationship psychotherapist Julie Hanks reports that we tend to say phrases.
- Ask questions.
- Or make statements that are extremely harmful to the relationship.
- So choosing not to tell him can be the secret to the relationship working.
1-?Let me explain to you how this is done ?: This phrase is particularly dangerous when said in a context in which one of the members of the relationship is angry, depending on the tone can stress or show superiority that can even offend the listener.
2- “Did my ex do this?”: Never compare your partner to past relationships, even as a joke or a joke. Thinking about someone you’ve been with can seriously harm the person you live with now. Unless the comparison is in favor of your current partner, who may even be comforting, think about the reverse situation. Would you like your partner to refer to your ex all the time?Or worse, compare this ex to you?
3- “If you really loved me, would you do it?: This phrase is a hidden blackmail. If you say that, your partner will feel that they will never be able to earn or do whatever they want, regardless of their feelings or tastes. . To show his love for you, he doesn’t have to do whatever you want. If this behavior works in the short term, there is evidence that, in the long run, it becomes resentment and hatred.
4-?Why can’t you be like ???: this phrase can end in many ways, from your ex, to a close friend, to your friend’s husband or wife, or a friend. Avoid making comparisons between your partner and anyone around you, whether that person is present or past. You married or lived with your partner because you love her; so don’t ask them to look like someone else. This is likely to cause anger and even shame, which can lead to emotional isolation, which will be very difficult to break.
5. Do you act the way you are? (your mom or dad) ?: It can be good, but it can also be bad; It will depend on how it is said, if the relationship with the person with which you have been compared is not very good, do not want your partner to feel bad, it is very common for your partner to act like your parents, because they are the ones who raised you and taught you things, not to mention the legacy of DNA. The emotions you will awaken with these words can be very painful, more than you can imagine.
6- “You just need to love him!”: No one in the world likes to hear from your partner a “being a man!”, or a “being a woman!”, because it clearly eliminates the masculinity, or femininity of the person; it’s like throwing them to the ground and knocking them down with a car. Saying these things can damage your self-esteem and, in particular, the relationship.
7-?Has my ex paid more attention to me?Again, don’t compare your current partner to other men and women (let alone an ex); don’t say that the way you act is better or worse than that of others, this will never inspire your partner to give you what you want or need, on the contrary, it will increase detachment or resentment, your partner will feel very bad about not satisfying you and, in the long run, this can be seen as a question of their love for you.
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