Lack of communication is a major problem for couples and this is not new. But in this case, we mean a situation that may be familiar to you: when the woman wants to talk, but the man wants to escape.
Why is the same thing always happening?Who gave us this role of talking or running away?Of course, men and women are different, but they also have a lot in common, this is precisely what we must reinforce when we live as a couple. .
- What we see when analyzing several couples is that women like verbal communication more than men.
- When they identify a problem in the couple.
- They understand that it will hardly be solved if they don’t talk about it.
- And men seem more likely to.
- Act or be patient and wait for the problem to go away on its own.
What’s right and what’s wrong, neither this nor that. There are two ways to be different and you have to understand them, men find it more difficult to say how they feel, share their problems and even give good news, many people think that starting to speak means putting yourself in danger. This is an area where they feel generally poorly qualified and are afraid to walk on the ball.
Women, on the other hand, feel safe participating in a conversation that speaks of their feelings. They feel that this is the starting point for almost everything; they use words to inform, but also to demand or express their emotions.
Let’s give a simple example: a couple made up of Ines and Jorge, both work away from home and things don’t go well for either of us in terms of work, do you both have to go through the huge traffic downtown, argue with the boss, think about the money that comes less and less?
When he gets home, Jorge will sit on the couch and have fun with a football match, but Ines will want to talk about what happened, one opts for the internal management of his problems, the other for the shared management of his problems.
As John Gray said in his book “Men Come from Mars, Women Come from Venus,” the big difference between the sexes is that when they have a problem, they are introverted and focus on other tasks. You could say they hide in their own caves and isolate themselves from the outside. It is very difficult for them to seek advice or delegate tasks to others.
They’re emotional and for men it can be overwhelming, how do they soothe your fears and your throat knots?It is talking, emptying inside, even if not always with the aim of seeking or listening to solutions and opinions.
Then everyone will face the problem differently. Maybe it’s because men think they need to maintain their honor and strength and women can cry or show their feelings.
Regardless of biological, social or evolutionary differences, the truth is that we cannot stand by when we have to resolve a situation or talk about a specific issue.
Let’s start with a lesson for women. You have to understand why the companion hides in this cave and there he feels safe (to the point of not wanting to leave). This intimate and uncompromising place where no one can enter allows you to reflect and make decisions when the storm is behind it.
If you stop at the door and want to enter this territory, even asking for permission, it will be very difficult to be accommodated, it is better to wait until you decide to leave. The good news is that when that time comes, you’ll both be calmer and able to find a more effective solution.
Now an apprenticeship for men. When the couple begins to ask you what is happening and tries to make you stay with them instead of taking refuge, try to understand the situation, they need to express themselves with words, gestures and even tears and laughter to show what is happening in They also need to feel supported for the man they have chosen for their lives, and they want him to listen to them.
How can we strike a balance between the two attitudes?Here’s the X of the question, what if he hid in the contemplation cave while walking home on the bus while she talked to a friend to explain all these details of what happened?both are much more relaxed when they get home.
It would be a good way to get to an intermediate point between what everyone often faces in a situation of conflict, we cannot force the other to speak, let alone to remain silent, but if we show that we are making an effort to avoid the distance between the two increase, it may be possible to find a meeting point.
Above all, we will have the opportunity to avoid fights that hurt and damage the relationship, put yourself in each other’s place and understand it is the first step in avoiding conflict and enjoying life together.