The dosing of silence can be a form, like many others, of passive aggression, it is defined as a calculated control of communication in which silence plays a fundamental role and aims to control and weaken the other person or his position, it is not always manipulated by words. Manipulation is also done by silences, the latter strategy is very harmful because it uses a more chameleon mask.
This is called dose silence because it’s not constant, such as when someone ignores you or stops talking to you. In this type of manipulation, the encounter is mixed with the inadequation, the expression and the absence of it. All of this happens arbitrarily. It is the manipulator who decides the rhythm of communication in pursuit of his interest to whom the other is just an instrument.
“Sometimes silence is the worst lie. -Miguel de Unamuno-
Because silence is a very ambiguous form of expression, the most common thing is that the victim feels quite confused or anxious, does not know what to think and spends a lot of time, in addition to his emotional energy, trying to guess what each Silence means. She doesn’t feel safe and hesitates before acting. She often ends up thinking that she has a problem, or that she can’t interpret or gives excessive importance to silences.
The dosing silence manifests itself in several ways, a very common situation occurs when the manager tries to get you to talk about everything first, it is not a courtesy. The person lets you talk to poll your life, get information about you, and study the situation. On the other hand, be careful, everyone who lets you talk first doesn’t manipulate you. To be categorized as manipulation, this behavior must be frequent or consistent, intentional, and non-consistent. This person will talk little about himself or he will be evasive.
Another way dose silence occurs is when someone suddenly interrupts communication and then resumes it unexpectedly, when they stop answering calls or messages without giving any explanation, after a while the person looks as if nothing has happened and if you ask the reasons for the distance, the person will say that nothing happened , which was a bad impression of you.
Similarly, dose silence occurs when a kind of censorship is imposed on certain topics, without explanation, when trying to talk about it, the person simply avoids the subject or refuses to give details, this, of course, applies to important issues Both parties. The bad is not a person who does not want to talk about something in particular, but is systematic and gives no explanation about his attitude, knowing that it affects the other person.
Finally, another very common form of silence in dosages is to say nothing because, supposedly, not knowing would be better for the other. This strategy applies to questions that relate exactly to the person to whom the information is hidden.
What distinguishes a manipulative silence from spontaneous silence is purpose, who uses this strategy to hide in the absence of words uses it to control the other, the person knows that it causes uncertainty, that it projects insecurity, and that is exactly what they are. By hiding in silence, the person leaves the other person with no tools to act on an equal footing.
Manipulative silence should not be confused with shyness. Not everyone has the opportunity to communicate spontaneously. There are people who need time and understanding to express what they think and feel. They don’t speak out of shyness or lack of confidence. The goal is not to control others, but to protect yourself.
The silence of dosages differs in the effect it has on the other person. It alternates with seemingly “normal” communication. It is an absence of words that gives the feeling of hiding something, however subtle this strategy is difficult to face, nor is there a risk of seeing those who face it accused of paranoia or fantasy, however subtle, it makes a great impact. cause harm in a relationship and, above all, on the person who is the subject of this practice.
This type of silence can be extremely aggressive, mainly because it immerses communication in muddy terrain, misunderstandings and assumptions become routine. And abuse as such almost never becomes clear, except for its effects, if the other, after showing its attitude, does not stop using this toxic practice, there is no choice but a direct and explicit denial, besides, of course, withdrawal.
Images courtesy of Pablo Thecuadro.