Similar or complementary? This is the question that many people ask the most when choosing a partner. While some believe that “opposites attract,” others want at all costs to avoid big differences to avoid conflict.
The truth is that both positions have a reasonable basis. Those who think it is better to have a relationship with someone different and therefore complementary think that, for example, two irritable people will end up colliding. Those who are inclined to seek a partner similar to them point out that differences, sooner or later, create fissures.
- There are also those who take an intermediate position.
- In their view the fact is not really that the two are similar or complementary.
- But go in the right direction.
- Similar in some characteristics and complementary in others.
After all, what does psychology say about it?
“I read somewhere that to love you have to have similar principles, with opposite tastes. “George Sand.
When one person does not have a very positive opinion of himself, he is usually attracted to those who are different, he will see in the other an opportunity to design or materialize something that he would like to be, without achieving it, for example, someone feels unnoticed and looks for a partner that is very popular.
It is also the case for those in which the couple seeks a symbiosis to move forward, the typical scenario is that of a concerned and fearful person, who needs the strength of the other to protect themselves or provide the necessary support, in principle it is not negative if it promotes growth, but if it promotes dependence, it goes crazy.
This is also the case for those who, faced with the similar or complementary option, choose the latter because they see the couple as a team, sometimes almost as a business. That’s why they think (and we have to insist on the word?Think?) That it is better to combine strengths and weaknesses to value common achievements.
Science has also questioned whether it is better for a couple’s members to be similar or complementary. At the University of Kansas, a study was conducted examining 1,523 couples and found that, in 86% of cases, similar couples were more similar. Durable.
Another study from the University of Michigan came to a similar conclusion, apparently the most important thing is that there are agreements on aspects related to personality, values, attitudes, recreational activities, alcohol consumption and the use of technology.
Everything indicates that sometimes people are attracted to the different, which generates curiosity and is seen as an opportunity to explore new emotional territories, however, over time, the new begins to become an obstacle, the differences acquire a negative value.
The dilemma that arises with the question: similar or complementary?it’s a little artificial. There is no way to find a partner who fully matches us or someone who perfectly complements the gaps or needs of our world. In reality, each of us reaffirms and contrasts us at the same time. That’s why the alternatives are pretty elusive.
That said, it should also be noted that all studies in this regard point out that the similarity of basic tastes and attitudes is very important, yet there will always be aspects in which the members of the couple will have to give in. couples are those who manage to be flexible with each other.
Differences between partners are healthy, they are a contributing factor to mutual growth. Much of the emotional life has to do with how these differences are given space, when they are small and small there is a high probability that this will be done satisfactorily and in the long run, if the differences are very deep there is a greater likelihood that the negotiation will be complicated.
So, yes, there’s an answer to the question: similar or complementary?And the answer is: both. Similar in essence and complementary based on voluntary and conscious agreements. Finally, this is love: finding the balance between strengthening, contributing to the strengthening of others.