They tell the biblical stories that two mothers fought for a child, claiming that each was their son. They went to see the wise King Solomon who decided, when he saw the problem, to cut the child in half and divide it equally. It ends with the crying of the real mother to which her son was returned, of course, whole.
This story that we see repeated many times today: the parents separate and the child, divided between two ailments, suffers from Solomon syndrome (Barbero and Bilbao, 2008).
- Regardless of whether the separation of parents is more or less traumatic.
- The adjustment period between the time of separation and the acquisition of a new routine results in a set of emotional changes and opposite feelings toward children who see their family structure change dramatically.
Paying attention to these symptoms is the key to avoiding deeper psychological disorders.
Logically, depending on age, Solomon syndrome takes one form or another.
Communication will always be the key to improving the situation, especially there is one thing that can never be forgotten: feelings of sadness, abandonment or guilt that children may feel must be expressed and heard.
Regressions, anxiety, emotional confusion, and the fight against loyalties are common feelings that need to be expressed.
For a young child, separation from their parents is experienced only as a physical separation and usually feels it as temporary. With their self-centered thinking, they feel extremely guilty when they think they caused the breakup.
As the child enters adolescence, his or her increased intellectual and emotional development allows him to consider the situations produced and understand the reasons for them; teenagers continue to seek blame anyway, this time on their own parents or in external situations.
In any case, it’s not just age that marks the experience of separation, factors such as the changes that separation causes in their lives, how parents and the environment around them live the problem and personality of the child are a puzzle for which there are no recipes.
Solomon syndrome inevitably occurs, but in the hands of adults it is overcome more or less quickly and one of the factors that marks the beginning of the end is how parents communicate with their children.
There is no good time to say that, it is true what is always said: children have a huge emotional receptivity and probably take some time to grasp the discomfort between parents and discussions, but that does not mean that they understand that the definitive break will occur, so it is necessary to speak specifically about the subject.
The first step is for the child to understand separation, it’s not about sharing guilt, complaints, and struggles, but understanding that parents don’t get along anymore, and they’ve decided to end the relationship, promoting the idea that you’re not to blame and that will be forever.
The second step is to observe children’s feelings and behaviors, seeking early psychological help in cases of excessive guilt or confusion.
The third step is to strike a balance between the need to maintain common standards in both houses, so that the child knows what should always be accomplished and the need to create routines different from those that existed before, because the situation has changed.
In short, a separation is always a moment of pain, but any traumatic situation implies a necessary adjustment, it is on the way back to normal that the child must be helped, so that the symptoms of Solomon syndrome are corrected to the maximum.
Illustration courtesy of For Timbras