Saying goodbye to my mother was the hardest lesson that has given me life to date, no one is prepared for death, to live suddenly without the presence of someone we love so much, either little by little or suddenly, the farewell of the taste of the infinite Delay anticipates all the pain that comes with this confrontation , and places us before the immutable, the indelible, what can no longer be changed and how it hurts.
My mother was my greatest and most beautiful reference of life, of the world, of tenderness. My earliest memories are of me loving him without measure, and was it until the day of his departure?That’s still true today. It was my quest for night’s nightmare, my comfort in moments of despair, my comfort every time life said no. It was my north, my south, my east-west, out and inside me.
- I loved putting my head on his lap.
- In front of the TV.
- As he told me about the actors of his day.
- I stood by the stove while I was cooking.
- Listening to her tell the plots of the novels I had read.
- People.
- I had met.
- His childhood.
- His dates with my father.
- His love for my grandfather.
- He loved his family.
- He loved parties.
- He loved to live.
- Did I inherit it?and for her my taste for film and books.
- My years of piano learning.
- My stubbornness to smile.
- In spite of everything and everyone.
My life is surrounded by my mother, everything has, her smell, the flavors of her afternoon coffees, the colors of Christmas, mass, carnival, she was my most fervent fan, believed in me, she was really rooted for me. And I managed to recover from my mistakes because I couldn’t hurt her, I did it for me and for her, it was always her and me, oh, and how this woman also knew how to be acidic, with words that hurt deeply. However, when necessary, it was all love and knowing that it was enough for me.
Letting her go was the most painful thing I could do. In her last moments of conscience, before morphine stole her lucidity, I spent the night with her. This endless sunrise, in the hospital, pointed out her pale cheeks, asking me to kiss her several times, she wanted to tell me with that gesture that she loved me, that I had to be strong, that I had never let her down, that I was and had always been a dear son. forever in me and continued, embracing this fortress that had supported me until then, telling him that I could rest, that he had resisted far beyond his strength, that he had raised six children in an exemplary way, handing himself over and beyond.
I don’t think any goodbye is silent, painless, even when we say goodbye to what’s not so good for us. The lack is very special, because it calms down as soon as others leave, don’t we even have time to think about it?Absence, it comes automatically. And we continue, because this is what the deceased expect of us, that we continue our journey by being who we are, with whom they still walk with us, loving us and needing us.
And how can we never know when the last time will be, even if we don’t have time to say goodbye to those who leave?Some parties are even more unfair, because suddenly they are – the force of love means that only the best is left in those who leave and in which they stay, goodbye is present in the most special moments we spend with people, it is built in the form of affection that uses gestures, looks, words, in the daily life of love. it’s the love he takes. And it is love that keeps us alive in the certainty of reunion, in the faith that sustains this forced distance that life pushes us.
Living without the presence of someone you love is possible, yes, but it seems that nothing remains the same, nothing remains the same, on the outside and inside. Time gradually lessens the pain and we rise again, but an open room, an empty space, but no nostalgia remains at the bottom of the soul. And pleasant memories nourish our days, comfort when sadness wants to grow, help when life falls, calm when the sun disappears. Because losing my mother convinced me even more that the strength of love is stronger than anything else, even the pain of death. And, to paraphrase Chico Xavier, let us not hesitate: the reunion with our loved ones will break the gates of paradise.