People with little or no ability to control their fears, voids, and frustrations often have an urgent need to control others in order to build a positive and powerful image of themselves, this need gradually arises from overuse and the construction of a rigid and suffocating bond. that completely vetates each other’s emotional integrity.
If we think about it, it surprises how the human mind is able to implement the most sophisticated mechanisms when it needs them. Not everyone does it the same way, that’s for sure; however, the need to control everything and everyone around us is nothing more than a defense mechanism to deal with something that is designed as a “threat. “
- Are you trying to control others?Do not fall into such suffering.
- Because those who focus all their attention on others avoid the most important thing: control.
Having low self-esteem, high levels of self-esteem, negative self-image, an inability to deal with emotions such as anger, sadness or frustration often form this deadly cocktail where psychological uncertainty desperately seeks a bad job, a bad resource. with the inability to control and face all these dimensions, the person concentrates his energies on those around him: “I will control others to adapt to my world of contrasts, to my geographical accidents, to my black holes. “
These are behaviors that are undoubtedly observed very often in some relationships, and even in many work environments, so, for example, the inept manager will try to control all his employees to comply with his company’s policy, using and abusing his authority, but also leading the organization itself in dysfunctional and unproductive dynamics.
The need to control others manifests itself in countless contexts, moments and situations, we can see it in the insecurity of the mother or father who controls their children so that they do not leave the “bubble” and stay with them for so long. as much as possible. It is also common in friendly relationships where some members apply conduct of control, manipulation and even blackmail. They are profiles that require everything: time, emotional support and, of course, obedience.
If we have someone with this profile in our nearest context, we’ll just know?Scratching? A little to discover that behind all this patina of impositions, threats and obsessions there is a lack of emotional autonomy; in the face of this lack, they become not only “controllers” but also “borrowers”. In other words, sometimes insecure people, with low self-esteem and little ability to manage their emotional world, try to be “fed” – one or more ‘donors’.
On the other hand, if the nominee was not enough, there is another interesting and illustrative nuance. In a 2009 study by psychiatrists Friese and Hofmann, people with low self-regulation ability were found to be carried away by emotional reactions such as “all or nothing. “In other words, his impulsiveness, his anguish of being?he admits no excuses, let alone being able to see or sympathize with the needs of others.
When the person he controls wants something, he doesn’t ask, he demands. It also seeks immediate satisfaction, unconditional attention and “donors” who are always willing and predisposed to orbit in their egocentric universe.
We talk throughout the article in the third person, however, it is often necessary to exercise first-person reflection on these issues and assess whether, in fact, we need to control those around us. unconsciously, and besides, this behavior can occur overnight without us nodding.
Sometimes the trigger is in our economic difficulties, in the abandonment of our emotional partner or even in the loss of a loved one, these are vital moments when the void becomes corpotic and suffocating, where fear afflicts us and we stop tolerating uncertainty. We anticipate death, everything seems to slip out of our hands and, almost unknowingly, we begin to demand things from others who, perhaps, are above their responsibilities. We fall into psychological violence without realizing it.
What can we do in these cases? We propose to reflect on the following dimensions:
In conclusion, it is clear that few dimensions are as necessary in our personal growth as the development of good self-control, since the person who applies adequate emotional autonomy and good control of his emotions is allowed to move forward with more harmony and harmony. integrity, with respect for himself and others.