Happiness is scary, and we often miss out on amazing things in life for fear of being happy.
? Where are you going? ? I think I go away ? But why? ? I don’t know if I can stay, I don’t know if I can handle everything. ? Didn’t you say you were happy? That I never wanted to lose this again? ? And I am? Are you the best thing that has happened to me in my life? You would not understand?
- If only she knew how she understood it.
- If she saw that she was dealing with her inner monsters and her fears by dueling.
- Every day.
- Now she was afraid to see him go.
- To see him boycott his own happiness.
- “We are our worst enemy.
- ” he had read another day and remembered those words at that moment.
- Harder than losing someone to someone else is losing that person to yourself.
He hadn’t unpacked since he arrived, as if he was ready to go at any moment, if need be. Every time he saw her uncomfortable with something, he would fold the few pieces scattered around the house and leave everything ready to go alone, since he could not bear to be thrown out of there.
I still hadn’t made room for him in this house. He didn’t leave a closet drawer for his clothes, he didn’t leave his toothbrush in the sink, he didn’t reserve it for himself on the table. Whenever I saw him uncomfortable with something, I would sit on the corner of the sofa waiting for him to take his bags and leave. She couldn’t make room for him in this house, because she couldn’t bear the emptiness that would remain if he decided to leave.
But he had no intention of leaving and she didn’t want to let him go either. Had the journey been so long and exhausting? They had invested all their resources to pay for it. It took her so long to get there that she ordered the whole house to run without her being there. He, in turn, has spent so much time on the road, alone, that he has learned to function without depending on others.
He felt lost in this house that now housed him. And he was having trouble housing someone who might leave a void if he left. But did he want to stay? And she wanted him to stay. There were days when I closed my eyes and imagined life now without that presence, without waking up and falling asleep listening to things about love. Was it difficult to imagine?
It was more than love. It had nothing to do with the love of lovers. This was given to other people, during the time of the trip. It had been such a long journey, he thought he would never come, and he would never come. They thought it was a waste of time waiting to find someone who would never come and share those days with others.
But they were all on their way, because he was on his way and she was waiting for his arrival. She also did not pursue businesses that, after a while, seemed so bogus, nor did she allow residents to stay in her home who did not appear to be one of them.
And now that they were finally together and that he had finally arrived, they found themselves lost. He was so tired and exhausted that no matter how hard he tried to relax and house him comfortably at home, he felt like he wasn’t there yet. Hadn’t it even unpacked?
Did you see any signs of fatigue in her too? He knew that she had waited too long, that she had almost given up hope, and that she was no longer sure that he could be counted on to stay and go nowhere. But she didn’t, she seemed to be armed to live in the solitude of her life and he was too tired to take off the armor.
He was so tired that he didn’t have the strength to do anything, so he didn’t unpack. I was so happy to have arrived, but I was afraid I would have to leave at any moment.
? I love you so so much. ? She said with tears in her eyes. ? I can’t believe I have you in my life.
Silence. A smile at the corner of her mouth and her eyes fixed on him told him she loved him, but she had closed her heart because it had taken too long to arrive and the fear of being happy was taking over. Did I want you so badly to stay? He knew it would be difficult for both of them, but no harder than watching him continue his journey, after waiting so long.
She sat closer, took his hands, looked him straight in the eye and asked:
? Are you sure you want to stay? ? Yes of course. Why? Don’t you want me to stay?
He covered his mouth with one hand and smiled. Him and this habit of deviating from the subject of the gun in hand, so as not to hurt himself. He said nothing, dropped his hand and leaned toward her, their lips not touching, only attracting as if they were magnets. He was not kissing her, he loved feeling that sensation of an imminent kiss, which always began so soft and was so full of certainty.
? Have I been here alone for a long time? And now I am also afraid, afraid that you will leave, that you don’t know how to stay, that I don’t know how to make you stay. But we choose, right? And am I sure it’s for life? I’m more sure than I can explain. I can’t really explain it. I just smell. ? I also?
Smiled? He hugged her tightly and thanked God for finally arriving, made a dangerous journey, nearly died several times, and didn’t even imagine everything she had experienced until she was finally there, but she wanted to stay. And she wanted him to stay.
After being kissed for a long time, they looked at each other tenderly again, kissed with that calm and sweetness that disarmed them and sat down, looking at the suitcase still full, not yet ready to undo it, it was not yet unarmed. . There was always a fear of being happy, but they decided to overcome it.
He’d respect his time, make sure he left him safe enough to unpack his luggage. He would also respect his time, show that he had no intention of leaving, that he would adapt to this house that would end up taking shape and color without his presence. But would it take time? Long enough. They sat in silence. They decided to wait.