There are some strange mixtures that can cause great damage: one is that of overprotective families with no displays of affection. Even if it sounds somewhat contradictory, it’s more common than it looks. In fact, these combinations?
We are often told that a good education is based on a mixture of authority and “small doses” of affection. This way of understanding the manifestations of affection has made it difficult to educate in many families, with recipes that take us away from a transformative and dynamic education in which emotions play a fundamental role.
- Overprotective families without displays of affection are another version of a strange form of emotional repression that has been applied by many generations of parents and children.
In terms of functional analysis, the person who is abused within a family expresses a function with his behavior: experience avoidance, a behavioral escape from the reality in which he finds himself, his environment offers no reinforcements, only aversive stimuli, and his behavior is a response to that. Experience avoidance is an escape from pain and, therefore, from life itself.
In overprotective families without a show of affection there may not be spanking or neglect, but in these families love is suffered, not felt.
When there is a high level of protection in the family, but the senses of touch, sight or hearing are not used to express affection in a positive and intimate way, someone is more likely to feel trapped in this family dynamic.
The family uses conflicting codes of conduct: I protect you and keep you away from what can harm you, but none of this seems to be a source of refuge. Many teachers or family friends can say “how well this family cares about their children, “but there is a lack of behavior building, lack of affection and empowerment in autonomous behaviors.
Let’s imagine an example. A 40-year-old man goes to consult with a psychologist without knowing exactly what happened to him many years ago, he has very strong values, especially in terms of what he does not tolerate, however, all the logic that had been given to him. within the family is given for what he was not supposed to do, which conditioned him to have a very high sensitivity to punishment and almost zero to strengthening.
His mother never gave him a kiss or a hug, or if it was for a “fear or when he was sick. “Of course, she would pick him up from school, he was always well dressed and liked the fact that his mother was a wonderful cook She took care of everything.
This person expresses that he cannot fully benefit from certain experiences, suffers a lot from bad things that can happen to his children and is not satisfied with his achievements, for her the feeling is closely associated with the feeling of tension. Often not working due to depression; Although she does everything she can, she doesn’t feel qualified in the world.
The case of the previous patient is the result of a “helicopter mother” and an absent parent. The problem is that when one partner is physically absent, the other member is too present. The product is excessive attention that ends up hindering the development of a child’s autonomy.
Psychologist Holly Schiffrin and her colleagues at Mary Washington University have observed how helicopter creation affects student self-determination and well-being. It has been found that this type of parent care is associated with anxiety and depression, which ultimately results in a decrease in satisfaction with life.
Children receive full supervision, but not unconditional care; however, affection has one goal: to help children succeed in the world.
Children may lack love and affection, even if there are no explicit indicators that their parents are cold, aggressive, or careless.
Many parents use expressions of love and affection as a nourishing tool. This is also known as symbolic rejection, often expressed verbally in the form of possible implicit punitive measures: “Don’t I like you when you behave like this?”Or “I love you, especially when you’re as good as tonight. “
Children and adolescents feel this as statements of true heartbreak, because love is intimately linked to accomplishments and good behavior, from the point of view of these children all they can expect is passing love, meritocratic love, love at a price that must be earned.
Unbalanced education can even turn children into students, but their educational advantage comes at a high price: many are un prepared for life, develop a dependent personality, grow without foundations on which to increase responsibility for the choices they make.
Psychologists have repeatedly discovered that adolescents and adults with anxiety disorders, particularly those who focus on social interactions, are more likely to come from families whose parents are overprotective.
Experiments have shown that anxious parents tend to have anxious children because they show that the right way to respond to situations is through fear, anxiety, and emotional withdrawal.