Every relationship is based on exchanges. There is an exchange of advice, opinions, information, gifts, favors and, between friends, it is also very common to change clothes, but many of us forget the exchange of energy that occurs in our relationships. Do we know that there are people who cheer us up and leave us with a beautiful smile on their faces, while others depress us and suck all of our energy?
Although it may seem strange, in the way we talk about some psychologists, these people are generally referred to as “Vampires of Energy. “The truth is that this name suits them very well, because like fictional creatures, these individuals can make you become a person who sucks the energy of others.
- Well.
- After presenting such an unpleasant picture.
- It’s fair to point out that most of these people aren’t aware of the damage they cause.
- They just have this way of being.
- They lament too much and they want to take advantage of others.
- Or sometimes they hurt others for the simple reason that they’re also hurt.
Psychologist Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter says the first step in caring for these types of people is how to identify them, including doing an auto-analysis to find out if you’re yourself. Then you have to determine how much time you plan to spend, with these people.
Craig Harper, an expert on personal development issues, says in his article “Protect yourself from energetic vampires?(Protect yourself from energetic vampires, in Portuguese), that after identifying these people, you should take the initiative to change the way you communicate or interact with them. Therefore, you cannot let your words influence you in the same way that a friend’s words would influence you.
When a friend tells you a personal problem, you care about him and put himself in his place, in addition to offering his solidarity, helping him, with his energy in the search for a solution, however, with one of these people, this energy use ends up being useless.
Many times these people want to have the same kind of conversation (although it usually ends up being a monologue) about their problems, however, they are not willing to act or follow the advice you have given them, so although it can be a little uncomfortable, sometimes you have to say something like: “Last week, we talked about your abusive relationship , your exasperating work or your favorite complaint; if you’re not ready to do anything about it, I’d rather not say anything else about it.
In extreme cases, even if it sounds a little harsh, you should avoid such people. In the article mentioned above, Harper shares the tactics that worked for him. “When is a vampire of energy?” enters my office, I get up as if I’m ready to go somewhere, I give them a few minutes and if I realize that the person is going back to the same subject as usual, I start walking and I finish the conversation.
Does that sound nasty to you? So think about the following: all we want is to show compassion and help our partner and loved ones. However, some people simply don’t want to be helped; they come to us just to ease the burden of their problems and always leave some of the burden they had on you. Are they relieved and leave us in agony? It’s not a real friendship, friends give and receive. So defend your energy and protect yourself.
Image credits: Hartwig HKD