Children’s education has become a difficult issue as more and more officers become involved; on the other hand, although there has never been a manual explaining how to be a good parent, there are general criteria valid for parenting. One is the authority that parents must exercise. Although this concept has changed a lot over time, it hasn’t disappeared.
Previously, parental authority was exercised differently. In most cases the child obeyed because he simply had to, period, it was an authoritarianism that the child respected because he feared the consequences, so for the child to obey the parents they used strategies ranging from threat to physical aggression. Punishment was at the center of this form of creation.
“The only law of authority is love. “-José Martín-
Today it seems that the opposite is happening, complaints are increasing about the visible lack of parental authority, this authority is not recognized by many children and is exercised in fear by parents, we have even reached a point where we talk about abuse. dictatorial parents or children.
Standards are important for acquiring responsibilities and imposing limits on arbitrariness; limits are those that give stability to the human being; it is parents, or adults responsible for children, who must ensure that standards are met; many do not do so out of negligence, without conviction. Imposing limits takes a lot of effort.
Children are usually stubborn. Then you have to make them understand that they cannot do or get everything they want, that things have to be conquered and that, despite the effort, the conquest is not given, if the child is small it must be taught that he must obey because he is the child and the person responsible is the adult, so she needs to follow what they tell him , without the need to understand the explanations.
With older children it is possible to talk, analyze why the rules, but also make them understand that they are not negotiable, the family needs to evolve at the pace imposed by parents because they are responsible, because they are adults. Because if the child wants to do things differently, she must become an adult and be able to answer for herself.
The establishment and maintenance of authority actually generates a number of conflicts, children are people who have not yet met their criteria, they just want to do what they are satisfied with, so the limits cause frustration and can lead to stories, some parents are exhausted by their battles in other areas, such as work, they give in to these attacks. But this is precisely what you should not do because the recovery of the required authority will be a much more complicated task than its preservation.
The absence of a coherent model of authority leaves no negative traces in the life of every human being, the first is that it promotes the development of anxious and insecure people, when parents do not set limits or do not respect them, the child feels like they are walking on inconsistent ground, has no frame of reference to adhere to, if only to criticize it.
Although some parents do so with the best intentions in the world, there is no doubt that permissiveness is a misleading route, if all the tastes of children are satisfied so that they do not go through their parents’ anxieties, they are not required to be responsible. . They let them do what they want under the wrong concept of freedom. Stubborn, lazy and prejudiced children can come out of this lack of authority.
The most serious thing is that, when they are adults, they will not have the tools to face reality, which is full of limits and impositions, they certainly will not have the reinforcement that the great difficulties of life require, often they will be frustrated because things will not always be as they want and will not be able to deal with that frustration.
The exercise of authority without affection and proximity is closer to tyranny than to pedagogy, a father or mother who only comes to give orders to his children or make requests unleashes many mixed feelings, in this case what is created is an exercise of power. submit, not the authority to educate.
It is very important that parents spend time with their children, talking, playing, knowing them and making themselves known, in short, to create strong bonds of affection. When the child feels that his parents love, he will also be more willing to accept his authority and understand that it is not an arbitrary exercise, but an orientation towards life.
Children who grow up without parents or authority will act accordingly and always think they are right. They may try to use others to their liking, will not take responsibility or have problems, will have no self-confidence, and think that money can buy everything, at worst they will also flirt with what is illegal or incorporate it into their lives.
Images courtesy of Rafael Duarte.