Talking to our children can become a tough battle, especially if they are teenagers, which causes many parents to feel frustrated because they cannot communicate with their children, causing reactions of all kinds.
However, the solution is not to get angry, to force children to tell us their things, punish them or limit them in one way or another does not make sense, you have to learn to communicate with them. To do this, it is important to first avoid several very common communication errors that affect relationship and proximity, and cause children to approach their parents.
- A tip to better understand and fix the problem: Put yourself in your child’s place and remember your relationship with your parents at that age.
In general, adults tend to consider their problems more important than those of young people, as they seem superficial and banal about their concerns and complications in adulthood, without worrying about our children’s problems or sharing the excitement of simple things, such as a dinner or a ball, takes us away from them.
Do teenagers argue with each other, with their brothers and sisters, with their teachers, with certain family members?They seem to be angry at the world and often get it wrong and this is very clear to adults. The solution is not to defend the person with which the teen has a problem, it only exacerbates the feeling that the world is against me, the young people and their frustration. So what can we do? Nothing, just actively listen, show interest and promise to help find a solution.
3 #? Respond sarcastically
Humor and subtle jokes are beneficial for healthy relationships, but sarcasm is harmful, if a parent-teen relationship is already tense, sarcasm only complicates things, so it’s critical to avoid sarcastic responses. respect and demonstration of domination and mutual contempt. Speak naturally, without anger and affection. Nobody said it would be easy.
Teenagers are often very dramatic and their emotional reactions often don’t make sense to adults. Comments like “you shouldn’t be so upset” or “it doesn’t make sense for you to be angry about such nonsense,” they simply encourage children to avoid sharing their feelings with their parents. It is essential to approach their behavior and validate their feelings, listen to them and empathize with them, to help them overcome what is happening. They are suffering; so, understand it or not, you have to be understanding.
In an argument or conversation with a teenager, focusing the debate on ourselves, as parents, does not help and ends up being counterproductive. Sermons based on the life experience or comparison we experience as teenagers don’t matter to our children, at least not at this time of excitement, sadness, or emotion. Again, you have to be empathetic and put yourself in the shoes of the teenager.
It’s easy to judge a teenager’s attitude or action and consider that what we hear from someone else is the truth, rebuking him and showing our disapproval, but doing so without giving our child a chance to explain himself will only push him further away. And it will be even harder to get her to listen to us, it is essential to know her version and, moreover, to let her express he he hemselves, to release her emotions and the possible anger that the situation may have generated for her.
This will allow us to help you see the situation differently, but without imposing things like “you have to” or “you should have done it. “It replaces the sermon with other more conciliatory phrases, such as: “I wonder what would have happened if you had done it differently instead?
Teenagers often do outlandish things, things that cause a certain reaction in adults. And why do they do it? To draw attention and show that they have some power, the more they can incubate, the more interesting they are. Instead of reacting abruptly, it’s better to respond calmly. Being shocked and horrified only fuels the teen’s interest. , tattooing a skull around his neck, putting a piercing on the most unexpected part of his body, or taking the strangest world with no future, the important thing is to speak to them calmly and, once again, with empathy.
It is very difficult to see a child suffer a problem, but solving it as a parent is not the solution, he has to learn to face his own difficulties. Solving their problems will make them feel useless and may even end up putting the teen in a difficult situation with his friends.
Instead, we need to let our children come to us and tell us about their problems. so that we can try to give them advice to solve them, without imposing anything on them, if we solve the problem ourselves, without the teenager asking us, he will not tell us anything and we will not be able to help them.
Telling our children that they are responsible for something that has happened or a difficult family situation only complicates things even more. It’s important to help them understand responsibility for their behavior, but the conversation won’t progress if we just blame them.
Do teens usually have good ideas, even if they’re generally not very realistic?Or at least that’s what your parents think. While it’s important not to encourage them to live in a fantasy world, there are a few things we can do to support their big ideas. For example, be curious about what everyone represents. By questioning his ideas, we stimulate reflection and begin to become part of his world.