People often think they’re speaking clearly, but it’s not really like that. How do we see that? Basically, because people look at us, ask us and respond differently to what we expected, so our words, our attitudes or our silences have consequences, even if we do not realize them.
In order to be able to express ourselves in the best possible way and, at the same time, achieve the desired results, we need to ask ourselves the following question before we speak: “What do I really mean?How am I going to say that ?,? I start this conversation in the right place and in the right situation ??.
- It can be difficult for you (as for many people too) to talk about certain topics.
- Whether you’re embarrassed.
- Sad.
- Sick.
- Angry.
- Etc.
- The first thing you need to do is eliminate the habit of “insinuating” and dialogue.
- Unclearly.
- Waiting for the other person to realize or interpret what we’re talking about.
- It’s not possible for this to happen all the time.
- As the caller (or listener) doesn’t have a crystal ball or doesn’t know us enough to assume what we meant.
If we don’t speak clearly, the other can interpret everything, which is certainly not favorable.
On the other hand, it is very difficult to talk about a topic that you do not like or that you know may end up causing an argument or even a fight, try to start the conversation in the most pleasant way possible, without taking too many turns but being careful?to know the terrain. The other person may not feel well, he or she may have had a bad day; You may not like the subject either, etc. If in doubt, analyze the situation before you begin. Remember that asking or communicating is not the same as attacking or assaulting.
The truth is that not everyone has the same skills; for example, you can speak very well and I can be very good at listening. Recognize what profile your interlocutor fits into, is addressing him your problem, not the other person’s?If you know this person is better heard, don’t try to ask them for information, ask them questions, ask their opinion, etc. Respect her as she is and let her talk, only about what she wants and what she thinks is necessary.
It is essential that you know how to refer to the topic in question and also how to deal with the other person, if in the middle of a conversation you start to be aggressive or shout, do not expect a good answer. The best thing you can do is stop everything and rething the way things are said. How much do you get angry or think about the battle?is lost, remember the saying: “Don’t raise your voice, improve the argument. “
Another determining factor in the success of our conversations is recognizing the right time and place. Calling your husband when he’s at work to talk is not a good idea; No more fighting your boyfriend in the middle of the street. An important issue requires a proper place and time. Above all, confidentiality is essential.
Some experts say that to know when and where the ideal is to think that instead of talking you will be naked, is it normal to do this in a restaurant, in front of your parents or on a bus?So if the answer is no, it’s not the perfect place to start an argument either.
Also be careful not to let too much time go by without mentioning the subject, as this leads to a build-up of anger and tension.
There are many reasons why we cannot engage in a good conversation, not even a debate, in a more effective, enjoyable and natural way, the main ones are:
? Not knowing how to listen to the other person (interrupting them, not paying attention to what they say, thinking about something else)
? Disrespect for others (anyone who listens to us or talks to us between here)
? Tagging a person (?Don’t know anything ?,?Is it arrogant ?,? is it impossible for him to be right?, etc. )
? Previous unresolved issues (when, for example, in a couple discussion, unresolved past cases are addressed)
? Too much anger or tension (these feelings do not allow us to think or express ourselves correctly; it is better to calm down, breathe or drink tea and start over)
? Painful past conversation-related experiences (a harassing classmate, an authoritarian parent who wouldn’t let his children talk at the table, etc. )
? False pride (this idea that we cannot ask for forgiveness because we will be exposed or vulnerable)
? Lack of clarity about our feelings, desires or thoughts (it is impossible to express yourself without knowing what you want)
? Fear of exposure (may be due to child trauma or social prejudice, such as husband-wife, boss-employee, father-son)
? To think it’s not worth it (when we win a battle, we’re more likely to end up achieving that result)