Communicating effectively is not easy. Assumptions and misunderstandings are more common than clear messages and precise interpretations, so it is important to know the benefits of empathetic communication, also called nonviolent, and developed by Marshall Rosenberg.
This tool was created with the intention of providing the necessary skills to build more collaborative relationships in harmony with our values, in this way, in addition to avoiding possible conflicts and misunderstandings, allows to solve them emotionally and rationally, abandoning the most traditional forms. Empathetic communication is designed to help us maintain active listening based on mutual understanding.
- Assertiveness is the middle ground between passivity and aggression.
- A skill that allows you to express personal opinions.
- Respect others and also set limits.
- Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg encourages us to put it into practice to improve our relationships.
One of the most common characteristics of assertive people is their affection for the flaws of others, that is, they do not criticize them, they are neither negligent nor indifferent to them, but embrace them to understand them. Affirmation is a fundamental aspect of empathetic or nonviolent communication.
The assertive person respects the limits, needs, desires and opinions of others.
Empathy, the ability to put one another’s place, is also part of this type of communication, in addition to the mastery of verbal and nonverbal language, yours and that of others.
This form of communication aims to establish a sincere and authentic relationship between the sender and the recipient, so some of the great benefits of empathetic communication are:
Empathic communication is defined by the expression of a concise, precise and rigorous message that contributes to a better understanding, which in turn leaves less room for criticism and more room for an effective exchange of messages.
Therefore, if we share our concerns with confidence, we will offer the other the opportunity to understand and share our discomfort. Marshall Rosenberg emphasizes in particular the importance of involving the other in a “shared hope. “
The basis of proper empathetic communication is to talk about your own feeling, the “I”. Therefore, no one can discuss what is communicated because that part is individual and belongs to the person who speaks. So when you want someone not to interpret your message as an indirect attack or an attack, but as a nonviolent communication attempt, start the sentences with “Sorry?”or “I’m sorry. “
Instead of saying, we arrived an hour ago. You’re always late. Are you a selfish man, replace with? I feel like every time you make me wait so long, I lose the urge to find you. Is it demoralizing, disturbing and makes me feel powerless?
If you change accusations and criticisms by posting about how you feel, communication won’t be so negative, the other won’t be offended, you’ll be able to express yourself, and instead of getting irritated you can come to a conclusion.
You need to know how to say it, don’t you? And accept the criticisms of others. Only then can you be honest with yourself and others. To be virtuous, you must eliminate all kinds of destructive speculations or communicative behaviors.
According to Bob Wentworth, an expert on the benefits of empathetic communication, “an observation defines context, feelings support connection and get us out of our heads. Needs support the connection and identify what is most important, and a request clarifies the type of What response do you want?Using these components together eliminates any possibility of making moralistic judgments, as you’ll see below.
Violent communication promotes the development of empathy for oneself, understood as the compassionate way of understanding what is happening in us, which involves perceiving feelings, thoughts and judgments, and connecting with needs that paralyze or block us.
In addition, this type of communication also promotes empathy as the ability to affectionately understand the hearts of others, allowing us to understand not only your ideas or thoughts, but also your emotions and feelings.
Rosenberg says that, like the benefits of empathetic communication, there are also certain modes of communication that block the development of this type of communication and, therefore, empathy and self-affirmation. Below we will see some of them.
Moral judgments are a form of impersonal expression that does not convey what the other really feels, but rather the mask, they take different forms, such as criticism, humiliation, insults or cynicism, Rosenberg proposes to replace them with objective observations and avoid judgment each. another to focus on how you feel.
“The report you’ve given me is terrible, so can’t we give it to anyone?In your report there are ideas that we need to change. Change them before delivering them to the customer ?.
Requests, requests, violations? We use all kinds of tools to force us to understand each other, after all they are threats that contain guilt or punishment if we do not receive requests, that is, they are forms of manipulation and aggressive communication. .
A very common example of this behavior occurs when the teen brings the notes home and says, “Mom, I was suspended. “Did I get suspended? Instead of being suspended, is it a way to attribute the cause of your misfortunes to outside agents and evade your responsibilities.
Another way to do this is to use impersonal or conditional language, referring to our diagnosis, our history or our experiences, the goal is to avoid the consequences of responsibility for what happened.
As can be seen, empathetic communication requires personal effort on the part of both parties, but the benefits obtained deserve this previous work.