Most people are very critical and with themselves, this happens especially when they think they have a flaw or that they lack something, people tend to cruelly abuse themselves when they make a mistake, believing that they will improve, the truth is that at the end of the day, it does not make them better, however, self-pity can help them.
Self-pity is an alternative to growing and curbing harmful self-criticism, consisting of treating each other with kindness, recognizing the common aspects with other people, but accepting one’s limitations.
- According to American psychologist Cristin Neff.
- One of the most eminent researchers in this field.
- Self-pity encompasses three fundamental aspects:.
Let’s see what each one is about
Feelings of kindness to yourself change not only your mind, but also your body.
When you calm your pain, you resort to the attachment system that all mammals have, one of the most important functions of this system is to release oxytocin, a hormone that increases the feeling of confidence, it also makes you feel calm, safe, generous. and connected, while promoting the ability to feel affection and compassion for oneself.
Kindness to yourself allows you to treat yourself as a precious human being, worthy of affection.
Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, highlights the importance of using empathetic and non-critical language when speaking to yourself, in a way it has to do with treating yourself well, as it suggests not resorting to criticism and maintaining an understanding attitude. .
The sense of compassion arises from the recognition that human experience is imperfect. The passion for oneself is to recognize that all human beings can fail.
When you are in contact with your common humanity, you remember that suffering is shared, all people suffer or feel pain at some point in their lives.
It is not the same to be compassionate as to feel sorry for oneself, self-pity leads us to better understand the situation, benevolently, and leads us to seek better solutions for self-improvement.
Tara Brach explains: “The feeling of not having merit goes hand in hand with the feeling of estrangement from others, of isolation from life. If we are imperfect, how can we feel integrated? It sounds like a vicious circle: the more useless we are we feel The more isolated and vulnerable we feel.
Feelings of connection with others, such as kindness, activate the brain’s attachment system. People who feel connected to others are generally less afraid of adverse circumstances and respond to life’s challenges more flexibly.
The third key element in the practice of self-pity is mindfulness, living the present with acceptance and without judgment leads us to have a clearer view of our suffering.
Practicing mindfulness can help you recognize how you feel and identify emotions and thoughts as they are, without being defined.
It’s about looking at what’s happening in your consciousness here and now, this will allow you to identify thoughts about the past and the future as they are: simple thoughts.
In addition, mindfulness also provides tools to respond to the different situations of your life from a state of calm and relaxation, this will not exaggerate you and avoid the consequences that you may regret in the future.
As you can see, being compassionate is a constant exercise of kindness to yourself that should not be limited to a specific time, you have to cultivate this attitude throughout your life.