Some people suffer from a constant sense of abandonment that gives them great anxiety because they feel that others will always leave them; in fact, they are very observant. Any word or action is analyzed to the millimeter to confirm what they fear so much: “I am indifferent to this person, he does not love me and does not want to be by my side”.
They can often be wrong. However, when we enter into a relationship with some kind of fear that the person will abandon us, it can happen, the reason is that fear is so strong that these people establish excessive attachments, that fear leads them to control, manipulate and distrust each other. In the end, the relationship runs out and ends.
- You should also consider the fact that relationships tend to change over time.
- The friends we can have now and the people we talk to can often get away with it in the future.
- Lives and relationships are transformed.
Unfortunately, the constant sense of abandonment some people feel prevents them from being aware of it, their fear of losing others will make them believe that any change in a relationship is negative.
To understand these people who have a constant sense of abandonment you have to pay attention to their childhood, although this is a phase that people barely remember, throughout it has developed something very important that marks all the relationships that we will have as adults: the bond. attachment.
“To be an independent adult, you must have been a dependent, attached and loving baby; in a word, beloved? . – Sue Gerhardt-
Attachment is the emotional bond that every child develops with their caregivers, they are characters that satisfy their needs and provide them with security, according to various surveys, if in adulthood we have a constant feeling of abandonment it is because the attachment has not developed in de healthy way, so it is possible that in childhood there are gaps, below we will see some of the most common.
The constant feeling of abandonment is very heavy. However, in childhood it was a defense mechanism to survive, rather than develop a secure attachment, it was decided to develop an unsafe ambivalent bond, which will be present in relationships in adulthood.
In this way, the person will always be suspicious and attentive to any possible lie, however, at the same time, it will depend on the other person to meet his needs of affection.
If you felt identified with the description of the constant feeling of abandonment, you’ve more likely formed relationships that your partner has been unfaithful to you, where the person has been very close to their parents or hasn’t paid much attention to you because you were still working. Unconsciously, you may be repeating the pattern of abandonment you experienced as a child. The only difference is that it happens in other contexts and with others.
The first time we discovered the impact of our relationship with our parents on our adult lives, we may have been angry and blamed for everything that happened to us, however, we must remember that they did everything they could at that time and now. you’ve grown up, you’re solely responsible for everything you do and the decisions you make. Blaming others won’t help you. Instead, you should work with yourself.
The best way to cure this kind of over-attachment you learned in childhood is to develop self-esteem, this will allow you to meet your needs and stop wanting others to do so. Start cultivating your safety. This will help you trust yourself and others, so you can develop healthy relationships.
Keep in mind that you can’t control what happened to you as a child, but now that you’ve grown up you can decide if you want to fix it, the most important thing is to take care of your own thoughts The road to healthy relationships is not easy, but it’s worth it.