Saying what they think or feel is a skill that some people, out of impulsivity or ignorance, have not trained enough, in fact, we all lost the line at some point in the middle of an argument, burying the message we wanted to convey. Know that it’s not easy not to lose your temper.
In fact, maintaining control in certain situations is an art. This is not a simple task, but also not impossible, as psychologists specialize in communication and conflict management. in the field of social psychology?years of study and research dedicated to identifying resources that can help us in this task.
- Nelda Sheldon and Shoron Burton (2014) explain that the interpretation of the situation is the most important factor in maintaining control.
- That is.
- In addition to the situation.
- What changes us and causes us to lose our composure is our construction of what is happening.
- For example.
- When one understands that.
- In an argument.
- There has been a personal attack.
- The task of keeping calm is complicated.
For this reason, various scientific investigations have focused on understanding the role of self-esteem in the way people argue, which is why it has been observed that those with low self-esteem and poorer self-esteem tend to lose their nerves more easily (Karag -zo? Lu, Kahve, Koç
Linking this point to what has been discussed above, in this internal context, it will be easier for discussions to be seen as a personal attack on your ego, which is already weak, so on several occasions we can find a disproportionate little commentary or critical response.
Other studies have concluded that it is easier to stay calm in a discussion by improving some of the factors we have listed that predispose us to them. We believe that personality, coping habits and learning mark the way we approach discussions (Lupez-Torrecillas, Martín, de la Fuente and Godoy, 2014).
In this way, taking into account what the studies on the subject explain, we will share a series of practical strategies so as not to lose our temper in a discussion.
“The interpretation of the situation is what gives the starting point to lose its nerves. “
Dr. Mark Beyebach (2010), a psychologist specializing in brief therapy and solution-focused therapy, explains that bringing past situations into the present increases the likelihood that people will take the discussion as a personal attack. Anger and helplessness occur because the past cannot be changed.
Thus, these negative feelings blind us and make us forget the reason for the discussion and, in turn, give rise to a sense of wasted time that, out of frustration, increases our anger.
Knowing your weaknesses and strengths will also help you not to lose your temper in discussions, if you pay attention to the evolution of the exchange of words and not just your position, it will be easier to know when it is better to make a concession, to focus on the arguments of the other party or withdraw.
On the other hand, it is not the same to argue with people face to face or in private, and it is not the same to discuss at the end of the day, when you are tired, and during the weekend or at a time You are calm Choose one or the other time to start a discussion is also a social intelligence.
“If you know yourself well enough, it will be easier to know when to argue, with whom and under what conditions. “
If you’re going to face a debate, an open discussion, get ready, organize your presentation and identify the arguments that can best support it, as well as the order in which they will be presented, it’s about having a script that can be used at any time.
On the other hand, if it is a discussion that you can anticipate, it is better to prepare the speech, your defense arguments and clear ideas, know your possibilities, the strength of your arguments and, if possible, anticipate those of the other party. Answers.
Finally, remember that the effects of the strategies we list come with time and training. You can start with a self-preservation and self-criticism exercise that lets you know what you can do best when you have an argument to come.