“I am the black sheep of my family. ” You may have already uttered that phrase or, of course, you’ve already thought of someone else, whether it’s your family member or someone you know.
A person who considers himself the black sheep of the family is generally considered different, a foreign animal in a homogeneous environment, on the other hand, the rest of the family thinks that the black sheep has this personality on its own or because of the influence of its friends, but never by the family.
- Is it true that sometimes the black sheep is actually “common” patterns.
- As it may be the result of an undiagnosed underlying mental illness.
- Or he may be a sociopath who violates boundaries and family care.
- So the family must exclude him to protect himself.
Surprisingly, however, many black sheep love people, who have much to offer their families and the world. In fact, they are often the best and brightest in different fields; they can be the most creative, the smartest or the most sensitive.
If you think about it, you’ll see that the world is full of black sheep. Think: Are there any in your family? It is not as easy to answer that question as it seems, for many, black sheep are not physically excluded from the family and, for the most part, it is something much more subtle: exclusion is emotional.
1. One of the limbs often appears injured or altered for an extended period of time for no apparent reason.
2. Family debate always focuses on the same person when he or she is not present.
3. One member is not subtly invited to certain family occasions or stays away from family news.
So, if most black sheep are not really rare and have been excluded, what can lead a family to treat one of its members in this way?Most likely, the black sheep has not been identified as such by a single person, on the contrary, it is the product of family dynamics.
Points of family dynamics that turn a child into a black sheep
1. The child who has less in common with parents. This child is distinguished by his personality, temperament or interest, parents are bewildered by him and involuntarily treat him differently.
2. The best and the brightest. This child threatens to defeat or outperform one or both parents, either consciously or unconsciously, parents sabotage him, so you won’t lose him or her and you won’t have to feel bad about yourself comparing yourself to him.
3. The child most likely to suffer from depression or anxiety The child with intense or dark feelings or thoughts that parents cannot understand may frighten him; this means that, without knowing how to help you, it can only keep you at bay.
4. Fraternal rivalry. In this family there is simply not enough attention or love for everyone, one or both parents are limited in one way or another: by a mental illness, a personality disorder or an addiction, for example.
5. A father who, deep down, does not value himself, this father may seem very affectionate with his children, so it can be difficult to detect him, but he is not able to tolerate certain aspects of himself, so he projects these characteristics. in a chosen child and, in turn, despises him. It is an unconscious defense mechanism that works unintentionally by parents.
6. La neglect of emotional childhood: the most invisible. In this family, all children can subtly (or not so much) receive the message that their feelings are irrelevant. This child literally disappears from the family radar and is ignored. He becomes a persona non grata.
With one of the previous six causes, the excluded child detects from the beginning that he is different, bad or inferior to the others, this is a case of prophecy fulfilled, because he ends up acting as expected.
What should you do if it detects traces of your family in these words?It’s not easy to change an already ingrained family dynamic, but not everything is lost:
? Choose to see your family from a more complex perspective. Ask yourself, is this true?Is that how I want to treat my brother or son?
? Share this article with family members
? Look at your black sheep with other eyes and realize what you’ve never noticed before.
? Open your heart to your family circle.
? Let the black sheep know you love it
If you’re the black sheep:
It’s normal for you to feel uncomfortable, confused, and uncomfortable to handle, but have confidence in yourself and your abilities. Free your mind; Courage is in you.