One of the most common complaints during the initial couples therapy consultation is, “You don’t understand me,” referring to communication problems.
Regardless of the length of the relationship or the age of its members, these failures are the first indication of a conflict that can escalat. People often expect the other to change. Are there long conversations, affable treatment, attentive listening, to replace it with apathy, criticism, defensive or offensive attitudes?
- In our childhood.
- We were shaped by the behavior of our parents.
- Soon.
- In adolescence and early adulthood.
- The attitudes of our own harvest sprang up.
- Everything we perceive around us is now part of our worldview.
- But.
- Of course.
- Our partner brings his own crystals to interpret the world.
In the stage of idealism, we put our expectations and fantasies in each other, we even accept what we don’t like. Once this step is taken, the first conflicts and illogical thoughts appear, such as:
THE MIND READER: Typical in an argument: I know what you’re thinking! I know you! Although the other did not verbalize any phrase, we mistakenly believe that living together allows us to guess the thoughts and attitudes of the couple, but how many times have you been wrong to blame someone for their intentions?
INDIFFERENCE: It’s an irrational style of thinking. Our thoughts focus on each other, just as the lighthouse projects its light onto a fixed object.
MINIMIZE THE SUBJECT: Women in times of tension usually want to be heard without judging them. You have to understand them. You probably know the solution to the problem, but what you are looking for in your partner is the validation of your feelings; But?The partner immediately proposes a solution :?See?I don’t care?!
On the other hand, on many occasions, the partner responds with
CRITICAL: Nothing silences a person faster than the consecrated person: “I told you so. “Comparisons and humiliations create wounds that close lines of communication. It’s hard to share a thought with someone who knows everything.
EL FUITE: It can be literal or symbolic. At the same table for dinner without exchange of glances, in the face of the slightest attempt to speak, hides in front of the television, a book or on the other side of the bed, both feel abandoned by their partner and sometimes rejected. the long initial conversations.
Emptiness, anger, disappointment, frustration, pain, sadness are some of the feelings that arise from illogical thoughts. Staying quiet in front of your partner increases pain. And the cycle repeats itself: you’ve stopped loving me, there’s someone else, do you think I’m a fool?He is often surprised to discover how misleading his hasty conclusions were.