The emotional life between a man and a woman is a curious exchange influenced by the emotional and cognitive needs and customs, the way we were educated and the biological and emotional differences of each human being.
Men’s most common complaint about women is that they are very emotional, while women accuse them of being too rational. With these complaints we mean that “the other person changes and meets our needs”. We think they could change if I really wanted to.
- What is happening.
- However.
- Is that the emotional circuits in the brains of men and women are very different.
- Let’s think about it:.
Daniela is going through a period of a lot of stress at work, when she gets home she just needs Jorge to listen to her and hug her, however, while Daniela recounts her problems, Jorge gets as she says, in “robot mode”, and begins to tell her what to do.
This annoys Daniela because she believes that Jorge does not understand her and does not give importance to what is happening, in turn, Jorge also suffers from seeing Daniela suffer, but he does not find a way to help her, no matter how many solutions he has to offer, you can’t get Daniela to listen to you and put your suggestions into practice.
Until recently it was believed that these differences in the way emotions felt and expressed were the result of the kind of education they received, now we know that the emotional treatment of the female brain is different from that of the male brain.
This difference is based on the use of two different brain systems that work simultaneously (the mirror neuron system and the temporal-spatial union).
If we could scan Jorge’s brain while Daniela cries, we’d see that two emotional reading systems are activated in her brain.
The first is the Mirror Neuron System, . 40-SNE- . 41; that allows Jorge to feel for a moment the emotional pain reflected in Daniela’s face; that is, at this point, Jorge shows emotional empathy with his partner.
After this brain activation, we would witness Jorge’s brain activate the Temporo-parietal union (UTP), which analyzes the situation and seeks solutions, this is what we call cognitive empathy.
Although the brain has been able to use UTP since late childhood, male hormones can establish a preference for the UTP system (it can vary from man to man).
The UTP is in charge of putting a clear boundary between one’s own emotions and those of others, which many times prevents them from being contaminated with the emotions of others, which reinforces the ability to seek a cognitive and analytical solution, very practical and adaptable in the world we live in.
If we look at Jorge’s brain and talk to Daniela about the solutions she found to reduce her pain, we would see that her cerebral cortex is active while naturally asking things like, “How many people do it take to do this job?”And Daniela replies, “That’s your suggestion, “Do I have to do it with the team at my disposal,” while looking at Jorge resentfully.
However, Jorge’s brain ignores the emotional tone of Daniela’s last comment, as the male brain shuts down the empathy zone while looking for solutions.
Following this line, Jorge will propose the wonderful solution that his brain has found: “Hire temporary employees”. Your brain wellness areas automatically light up with your big idea.
But her pleasure lasts exactly as long as it takes to change the expression of Daniela, who can only repent and cry when she realizes that her partner has understood nothing and doesn’t care how she feels.
What happens, however, is not what you both believe, because your brain reality is very different.
Jorge tries by all means to help Daniela in a practical way, because her emotional logic tells her that’s the best thing she can do, but Daniela is some other time and seeks, as a woman, emotional empathy. matters, but rather to feel understood and supported.
Thus, Daniela will interpret that Jorge doesn’t care what she’s talking about, when she’s really trying to help her.
In this sense, we conclude that a man’s emotional concentration is no less valuable than that of a woman, we simply function differently at the brain level.
This can become a communication problem or a way to complement each other perfectly, so now that we have this information, maybe it’s time to take it into account and make the emotional life between a man and a woman much more rewarding?