Many romantic relationships have their own power dynamics, sometimes both want to maintain a dominant position over the other, whether in one or more areas, a desire that is often not even conscious and that generates a discussion that may also not reach consciousness.
On the other hand, power dynamics influence many aspects of romantic relationships, such as shared responsibility, intimacy, and even sexual intercourse.
- The tension that power dynamics can generate in romantic relationships is not necessarily negative.
- The problem arises when the strategies to acquire this power are harmful or when the person who dominates the field does not use it for the benefit of the other or the relationship itself.
This, which may seem unethical from a modern point of view, is not unique to our species, on the contrary, all the members of the animal kingdom are linked to each other through the dynamics of power.
Couples are dynamic entities and are therefore marked by the constant process of mutual exchange. In each love context in particular, and social in general, we find elements such as persuasion or domination, which can be indicators of the struggle for this power.
The distribution of power in the couple can be complex, sensitive to changes, expectations, but also to the desires and needs of each one.
On the other hand, after a while, the situation usually reaches a stability that places each member of the couple in a place where they feel comfortable, one ends up having the dominant voice in a few moments and the other in another.
For example, in a couple, the man may be the one who usually chooses where to go on vacation, while the woman can decide what type of hotel to stay in or what to do. In the most connected couples this exchange takes place. Constantly.
In this dynamic, preferences eventually converge, with knowledge. It is possible, for example, that the woman has friends who have already visited the place and refer to the most interesting tours.
All of this would make it difficult to distinguish who is the dominant person within the couple, and it is important to understand that the fact that there is someone who dominates and someone who lets himself be dominated is not necessarily bad.
The problem arises when this power dynamic becomes dysfunctional or when the means of acquiring or maintaining power harm another person.
In general, the balance of power in couples tends to maintain a balance between all these exchanges, so the couple tends to spontaneously self-regulate and people who feel more comfortable leading in a particular area will do so naturally. , the conflict only arises when this domain preference matches.
Thus, sometimes this balance is not achieved spontaneously, below we will see some cases in which the dynamics of power in the relationship can be an important source of conflict.
“To love is to find one’s happiness in the happiness of the other. “- Gottfried Leibniz–
Sometimes both members of a couple are used to assuming a leadership and commanding role, when this happens the most normal thing is that there are many discussions, with two people who want to be right it is difficult to discuss It is necessary that they are both willing to listen to the other side and consider the opinions of others.
If you think you’re experiencing a dynamic similar to this, one way to address the situation is to actively work to understand the other side, to do so developing skills like empathy can be of great help.
When none of the members of the couple wants to have power in the relationship, there can be a nuisance or a lack of adaptation, since no one will be able to take the initiative, in this way, there will be many situations in which insecurity reigns, an aspect that can even erode the relationship if it remains constant over time.
In many cases, the solution arises when both express their opinions and try to reach an agreement, for example, by taking the initiative in turn.
“Never above you, never below, always by your side. ” – Walter Winchell-
Do power relationships within the couple usually take place unconsciously and naturally?Everyone has more weight in decisions where they have the greatest interest or knowledge.
The tension it generates is often greater in a period that follows passion: the point at which everyone begins to balance the investment it makes, yielding less and showing greater interest in maintaining their preferences to which they had tried to give up until now.
In the case of an inexhaustible source of conflict, the couple should sit down and converse, until they consciously and thoughtfully define the weight each will have in each decision to be made.
In addition, it is also important to define which arguments or strategies are valid or invalid to achieve a goal, for example, a couple may decide that emotional blackmail is not valid to get the other to clean the house or have sex.