The emotional legacy is as decisive as it is uncompromising and imposing, we were wrong when we thought that our story began when we made our first cry, to think so is a mistake, because just as we are the result of the union of the egg and sperm, we are also the product of desires, fantasies, fears and a whole constellation of emotions and perceptions that have been mixed to give birth to a new life.
There is now much talk about the concept of “family history”. When a person is born, he begins to write a story with his actions. If we look at the stories of each family member, we will find essential similarities and common goals. It seems that each individual is a chapter of a larger story, which is written in different generations.
“The truth without love hurts, the truth with healthy love?”- Anonymous-
This situation has been very well described in the book “One Hundred Years of Solitude”, by Gabriel Garca Márquez, which shows how the same fear is repeated over different generations until it becomes a reality and ends with a whole lineage. What we inherit from previous generations are nightmares, traumas and unresolved experiences.
This process of intergenerational transmission is somewhat unconscious, they are usually hidden or confusing situations that cause shame or fear, the descendants of someone who has suffered undated trauma are the most affected by this lack of resolution, do they feel or feel that there is something strange?What revolves around it as a weight, but you can’t define what it is.
For example, a grandmother who has been sexually abused transmits the effects of her trauma, but not its content, perhaps even your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren feel some intolerance toward sexuality, or visceral mistrust toward people of the opposite sex, or a sense of despair they cannot explain.
This emotional legacy can also manifest itself as a disease. French psychoanalyst Francoise Dolto said: “What is silent in the first generation, the second is about the body. “
Just as there is a ‘collective unconscious’, there is also a ‘family unconscious’, in this unconscious all experiences are kept silenced, which are hidden because they are taboo: suicides, abortions, mental illnesses, homicides, losses, abuses, etc. Trauma tends to repeat itself in the next generation, until it finds a way to become aware and resolve.
Can these physical or emotional discomforts seem to be un explanation?A call? So that we may become aware of these silenced secrets or hidden truths, which are probably not in our own lives, but in the lives of some of our ancestors.
It is natural that in the face of traumatic experiences people react trying to forget, perhaps the memory is very painful and they believe that they will not be able to bear it and transcend it, or perhaps the situation compromises their dignity, as in the case. of sexual abuse, in which, despite being a victim, the person feels embarrassed and ashamed, or simply wants to avoid judging others. Therefore, the fact is buried and the best solution is not to talk about it.
This kind of carelessness is very superficial. In fact, the subject is not forgotten, memory is repressed, everything that we repress manifests itself in another way, it is safer when it returns by repetition.
This means that a family that has experienced the suicide of one of its members is likely to experience it again with another person of a new generation, if the situation has not been addressed and resolved, will float like a ghost that will manifest itself. sooner or later the same goes for all types of trauma.
Each of us has much to learn from our ancestors. The legacy we receive is much broader than we think. Sometimes our ancestors make us suffer and we don’t know why.
Perhaps we were born into a family that has gone through many vicissitudes, and we do not know what our role is in this story, of which we are just a chapter, it is likely that this role was assigned to us without our knowledge: we must perpetuate, repeat, save, deny or cover the wounds of these facts transformed into secrets.
All the information we can collect about our ancestors will be the best legacy we can have, knowing where we come from, who these people we don’t know are, but who they are the basis of who we are, is a fascinating path that will only benefit us. This will help us take an important step towards a deeper understanding of our true role in the world.