According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, people were born to love, regardless of whether it is love that works more or less well, this intense and complex feeling is a source of human existence, creativity and also many of our concerns. Therefore, knowing the evolution of love in a loving relationship allows us to dely into that very essence of ourselves that is to love.
If I said now that “love is everything,” many of you would look at this statement with skepticism. From a cultural point of view, we tend to be, at least in general, a little cynical about this idea. From a biological and even anthropological point of view, however, this feeling, this impulse of life and revolution was what allowed us to become what we are as a species on this planet, because love facilitates not only the consolidation of a couple, but also the appearance of children among them.
- “Passion develops faster.
- But it also disappears faster.
- Intimacy develops more slowly and commitment is even more progressive”Robert Stenberg?.
Affection gives way to cooperation, allowing one person to engage in the care and attention of another being. Love gives us encouragement, in a way that reduces anxiety and stress, erases fears and awakens to our most creative side. Understanding all its changes and deepening the way love evolves into a loving relationship will allow us to see how every step, every stage of our relationships, has its own benefits, functions and meaning.
Gerald Huther, neurobiologist and professor of neurobiology at the University of Gottingen in Germany, offers some very interesting perspectives, talks about the evolution of the human being, our evolution.
According to this researcher, science has always focused on the concept of evolution by natural selection, also highlighting the principle of survival based on the most suitable or adapted individual to the environment.
However, for Professor Huther, what really advanced the human species was nothing more than the delicate and incredibly strong bonds of love.
At the same time, if there is one thing that most of us know is that love, that material that cannot be touched or observed under the lens of a microscope, does not always endure or does not always remain the same, obstacles arise. Challenges and disappointments arise.
For Gerald Huther, and also for anthropologist Helen Fisher, nothing can be more important than understanding the evolution of love in sentimental relationships, if we understand the characteristics of each step, I’m sure we’ll be better prepared, so we’ll better manage the ups. and casualties throughout a couple’s life.
This is the scene that many people like the most, passion, full of mysteries, fantasies and varied discoveries, that moment when we have a pump about to burst loaded with dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, norepinephrine.
Everything is very intense, the emotions are overwhelming. Nothing can be more meaningful to our brain than this desired person.
As psychologist John Gottman says in his book Principia Amoris: The New Science of Love, this first phase of passion defines what we know as a state of absolute grace, marked by euphoria and uncontrollable desire.
After Cupid’s arrow that infected us with a combination of passion and fascination, comes another step, another phase of evolution, that of love in a loving relationship.
This is the moment when doubts arise: “Does what we started here mean the same to you and me?Do you want to be with me at all times?” I can count on you, you trust me?
If we solve these problems efficiently and intelligently, we will get a lot of maturity for the next phases.
There is no perfect estimate of the duration of a romantic love, there are those who average between 4 and 5 years, however, Helen Fisher says in an article that between 30 and 40% of older couples say they still live this stage. romance has not yet disappeared, desire is still there and there is a very happy and satisfying bond.
However, John Gottman talks about the importance of working for the consolidation of a mature love, it is a question of being able to build a firm commitment, seeing the other as the best possible partner, it is necessary to deeply value the other, practicing tenderness and a careful and understanding emotional bond, so it is possible to enrich both equally.
In conclusion, if there is one thing that is very clear when we look at the evolution of love in a romantic relationship, this is not the time that makes these phases reach us in our relationship, love and its changes are not normative and not follow a schedule.
Achieving committed, faithful and rewarding stability and happiness requires work. Manual work is practically necessary, but also intuitive and attentive. If we cut the edges, we develop a look that understands and, at the same time, that is attentive, an ear that listens, a heart that knows how to understand, give and receive?
It’s a complete journey, that’s for sure. After all, love is an adventure that is always worth living, always!
Images courtesy of Vladimir Kush.