It is often said that it is common for people to forget the long list of favors that we have done for them, except for one, the one we refuse to do, it is as if the market for favors was a minefield, full of conditions. and debts to pay, when in reality nothing should be more free, sincere, humble and altruistic than the mere act of giving and receiving.
Nietzsche explains in one of his books that there are so many enslaved souls who attack a favor received that strangle themselves with the noose of gratitude all our lives, we are probably facing a kind of relational dynamics as complex as it is interesting. At least analyzed from a psychological point of view. Something that should initially be positive (doing or receiving a favor or praise is usually a demonstration of a good relationship), usually becoming an uncomfortable fact when other elements of the background appear.
“As favors increased, pain increased. -Anonymous-
In fact, we have all experienced this situation at some point in our lives. When someone among us reaches out to “ask a favor,” our red flags go off almost immediately. It’s automatic because in less than a second we do countless evaluations and speculations. Is this serious? Do you think I cannot refuse your request? Time, money, giving up something, putting myself in a delicate situation, what will it be?
In the midst of all these thoughts, did our mouths say out loud?Of course, what do you need, especially if the person asking for the favor is someone with whom we have a close relationship, in which, therefore, there is always an obligation?implicit in making this small or large? Commandment. These are complicated situations, in which emotions, pressures and sometimes personal expenses are mixed, so it’s worth having clear ideas right now.
We ask you to think about it
We all appreciate it when someone does us a favor, as long as, of course, it doesn’t make us feel “indebted. “Because, if so, what we’re living is a “threat. “very subtle, of course, but it is an obvious and unmistakable reality. Something like this happened, for example, in the 2008 U. S. presidential election, it was a really curious story that deserved to be analyzed.
When organizing an election campaign and joining a candidate, it is common to promote their experience, leadership skills, achievements or legislative intentions; however, when they introduced Republican John McCain, they made a disastrous mistake in their approach.
McCain was introduced as a war hero. Someone who had made enormous sacrifices as a soldier for his country, someone who had been a prisoner of war, someone who had been tortured. McCain was a person who, therefore, had to be “rewarded. “Because everyone was indebted to him.
These words, being “indebted,” appeared in virtually every speech. No one on the advisory team has been able to see or understand that such a term instinctively translates into our brains as a threat. Nobody likes to have a debt. Nobody likes to have to act under pressure. If someone does us a favor, the last thing we want is that after that, they ask us to return a piece of our hearts, like Shylock, the character of “The Merchant of Venice,” he would say.
And that’s exactly what we feel almost constantly in our daily lives, if they give us a gift, we have to give it back. If we’re invited to a christening, wedding or communion, are we?Forced to be returned in? Nature? (Money or gifts) the cost of this invitation. We spend much of our lives conditioned by what others do for us, sometimes even without asking for it, or conditioned by criticism for not wanting to do us one of the favors they ask of us.
To say that there is a certain toxic atmosphere in the favor market is not an exaggeration, from the point of view of social psychology, we are reminded that the most positive, strong and satisfying relationships are those in which we do and do favors without ever. realize the shadow of blackmail, demand or manipulation.
? When you do favors, don’t remember. When you receive them, don’t forget them. -Chinese Proverb-
Thus, we cannot ignore that it is common in any context and this, in a way, validates the bond that is established with family, partner or partner, friends or colleagues; however, there is no denying that we often face the typical. ? I’d do it for you’s after everything we’ve done, now you. ‘
So how do we deal with these kinds of dynamics, where we clearly perceive this unfavorable or even toxic scenario?
Finally, understand that favors must be submitted for free, demonstrations of an act of reciprocity based on the sincere confidence, always in blackmail. Remember also that the best favors, which you will never forget, are those that are done without being asked. Those who demonstrate that we are able to anticipate the needs of the people we love and respect.