In our childhood we had no fears, shame and fewer worries, we had confidence in ourselves and our abilities, and that is why we shine, yet as we grow, trust in ourselves diminishes and fears arise that make us invisible.
The desire to be invisible comes from all the social and cultural beliefs we acquire that solidify with age. As we know, our beliefs limit us. For example, if we think we’re going to be wrong about a presentation and that’s really the case, we probably won’t want to speak in public later, we’ll even think we’re bad speakers, when that’s not true.
- Some of the beliefs we have only encourage our fears.
- Fear of being alone.
- That no one wants us.
- That no one will listen to us.
- Fear of not having the perfect family.
- Not having the best grades in school.
- Of disappointing us.
- Others or not achieving goals.
- These fears that make us invisible lead us to an identification with certain labels that do not suit us.
We live in a society that constantly downgrades us, which leads us to compare ourselves to others and to analyze in detail all our faults Where are our strengths?In the shadows. They are ready for us to look at them to come to light and be aware of our potential.
Where are all these fears that make us invisible start to take shape? Usually in the family. In the context in which we spend most of our time, which is almost always our safe zone, as long as everything goes well.
? Our greatest fear is not to be inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are extremely powerful, it is our light, not the darkness, what scares us the most, we ask ourselves: who am I to be bright, beautiful, talented and intelligent?In fact, who are you so you wouldn’t be ??. -Nelson Mandela-
When we are different and our behavior is not as expected, security disappears and sometimes we are afraid, for example, in a family where traditional work is valued, if a family member is engaged in art or is a programmer, he may have to listen: “This is not a real job. “
The misunderstanding of those we consider a source of support threatens our self-confidence and, in some cases, the way we value ourselves.
We feel safe staying true to family beliefs. Have we followed in the footsteps of our parents, do we have a job similar to theirs? But when that doesn’t happen, the feeling of protection breaks down to give way to fear and desire. be invisible sometimes.
It is not only the family that can make us want to be invisible to be like others and not stand out, there are many other fears that grow and are reinforced by certain beliefs related to the social sphere, let us see what these three fears do not allow to expose who we really are.
We all have something unique, a special skill or a natural gift that allows us to do things that we would like to be recognized for, however, we know that standing out involves exposing and making others jealous, so we will face criticism, judgment and rejection.
For some, based on their past experiences, this can be unbearable, because we tend to expect others to approve of us, the desire to shine, but also the fear of doing so, make two options emerge: shine and show our essence or be invisible. and follow the expectations of others.
“The envious always looks up and down, looking for a defect. If he finds it, he’ll make a comment. If not, will you invent a flaw?. ?Anonymous?
Fear of being alone affects many people. We believe that we should be the way others approve of being accepted, for example: if we are very playful, but the friends around us are ashamed of us, we will try to change and eliminate that so as not to be alone.
Finally, we choose to be invisible for others to accept us, however, what we have to ask ourselves is: is it worth being with people who do not accept us as we are ?, being alone is like leaving our comfort zone. Why are we so afraid of not finding any more friends, partners or people who really accept us?
If we change our essence, there will come a time when we will wonder who we really are. Choosing to be what others want implies a betrayal of ourselves, a rejection of who we are that will eventually cause us great discomfort.
Finding who we are will be a process that will lead us to face everything we fear, it is a complex but rewarding path when you reach the finish line, because there is nothing more pleasant than being together.
If in our childhood our family told us that “we do not deserve what we have received,” it is very likely that we grow up thinking and acting on that thought. Thus, we will not only think that we do not deserve a gift, but that we are not worthy of affection. We adopt an identity based on merit.
Interestingly, we’re afraid of losing what we were told we were, that identity we don’t identify with even if we’ve learned to adopt it, so it’s so hard to change. We build a world from what we think we are, from what we say we are, so without realizing it and inadvertently, we run away from any sign of affection.
That’s why it’s important to unlearn this behavior to really know who we are. We often opt for invisibility because we think other people’s opinion of who we are is the right one.
“Find yourself in a drop of rain, in the colors of a rainbow, in the blue sky, in the force of the earth, but find yourself. ” – Alejandro Jodorowky-
We may have chosen invisibility so far, but we can decide to stop, we can get rid of the labels that have imposed on us and the fears that only limit us, and find in us the best of all companies.