We know we can’t love others if we don’t love each other first. After all, how does our self-esteem influence the choice of a loving partner?
To love you you have to know yourself very well, this means understanding the history of our life, learning from it and, what is more difficult, accepting it. In addition, it is important to consider that our levels of self-knowledge and self-esteem are essential to choose a loving partner.
- As we recognize that we are benefits of loving ourselves and others.
- We will not learn to do so without doing a personal job and without observing examples and models that allow us to recognize different forms of emotional connection.
- According to research conducted by neurologist.
- Psychiatrist and writer Boris Cyrulnik.
- We need to observe different people and emotional styles throughout our lives for this.
“Loving oneself realistically and healthily is one of the main health requirements throughout the mandate, and the best way to express and communicate affection to the people you love. “Walter Riso?
From the early years of our lives we learn to connect with others, first we inform our parents and the rest of the family, they are the first example of emotional connection. From the first minute, we observe and learn how they treat us and how they relate to each other.
Little by little, we are expanding our social circle. As we grow, we meet more people until finally we make our first choice of loving partner and, with him, our first relationship begins.
Boris Cyrulnik says our childhood will determine the emotional bond we establish with our beloved companions. From your point of view, there are different types of couples that we can summarize in three main ones: the couple on which the two rely, the couple in which one night to the other and the couple in which the two hurt themselves.
The couple of two people who rely longer and have a better quality of life, both together and separately, in addition this exchange of supports contributes positively to the health of each one, improving their emotional balance and sense of humor. It’s the only form of relationship that deserves to be strengthened.
Other types of couples, in which abuse is present in a one-way or two-way way way, must be transformed in one way or another, either by changing negative attitudes, such as the search for a new meaning that is the basis of healthier If this is not possible, it is advisable to wonder if it is better not to leave the relationship.
On the other hand, it is important to mention that sometimes, to get out of a relationship, we have to feel safe and, for that, we look for other people as support, however, this can lead to the search for a new partner. in advance, so that there is no in-depth knowledge of what has been experienced and eventually the same mistakes will be made again in this new relationship.
The choice of the loving couple is done unconsciously, based on everything we have learned throughout our history, but depending on the personal moment in which we find ourselves, if we do not seek to improve and get to know each other, we will not be able to choose an appropriate partner that allows us to live in a mutual relationship.
A partner cannot fully cover all of our needs, so maintaining this idea and waiting for it to materialize is just a utopia, a source of constant frustration, yet people must have relationships with other human beings and have relationships of different kinds that are rewarding. .
One of the most dangerous beliefs we have about relationships is the idea of not seeing ourselves as complete beings, this thought has led us to a misconception about love, treating it as an emotion that can do anything, so by accepting this view, we cease to be realistic and to see the limits of all healthy love. In this way, we choose the loving couple who may end up becoming a bond sustained by addiction and fear.
Our beliefs and ways of doing things are not only determined by what we observe in our immediate environment, the truth is that we are also exposed to many social stereotypes: rigid models to which we think the world is adapting.
The media has a significant impact on our behavior through reinforcing stereotypes, television, film, music and literature offer a lot of information, however, we must be careful and evaluate whether this information is correct in the most popular books and films. , we find the defense of the same idea: love and suffering go hand in hand.
Apparently, the more a couple’s members argue, the more bad they treat them, the more impossible their love is and the more opposition they encounter, the more they love each other, so we end up listening and expressing, from an early age, phrases like “Does He fight you because he loves you?”or “he who loves you will make you cry. “
Thus, we dream of living impossible or secret loves, those in which intensity prevails over quality, what we forget is that all this can lead us to a choice of loving couple based on romantic fantasies rather than reality and daily needs.
In addition, all these ideas give us a specific role within the couple and, in general, in emotional relationships, a learned role that can oppress our true selves, our true thoughts, feelings and desires. Breaking with conventional wisdom, rebuilding this role so that it seems that we are programmed is not easy, but it is possible.
The bad social concepts of a relationship (not only of love, but also in any other field, such as friendship) can lead us to a bad choice of partner and an emotional dependence, in this situation we forget our right to be people their own identity and independence.
In this sense, to strengthen our “immuno-emotional system”, it is necessary to know and love us in order to choose the companion who grows our happiness. Also, at first, before trying to find happiness with each other. , it is recommended that we have already found it in solitude.
“We must learn to enjoy the company of the one person who will surely accompany us for the rest of our lives: ourselves. “
Finally, it is important to consider that the members of a couple must respect each other and be able to choose to be together out of freedom, not out of necessity or dependence, in this new perspective we will not be in a relationship because we need. Being with someone to fill the void we feel with someone else’s love. We’ll build a relationship because even if we’re alone, we’d rather be together.
The choice of loving companion made with the heart, taking into account our needs and desires, will enable a relationship of mutual help. The realization of this type of dynamics depends on the two members of the couple.