When abuse becomes a habit
When it comes to women’s abuse, we wonder: why not run away?In the film “Sleeping with the Enemy,” starring Julia Roberts, where he becomes a victim of a shipwreck, it seems easy. a person who constantly suffers physical and mental abuse is not so simple. The psychologist Seligman, in the 1960s, used the term impotence learned to explain this phenomenon.
- If someone is going through unfavorable situations for a long time.
- They feel powerless to deal with them.
- Previous experience shows that there is no way to change the situation.
- Seligman.
- After a series of studies with laboratory animals subjected to electric shocks from which they could not escape.
- Concluded that they had learned that their actions made no difference and could not react to escape abuse.
- After a while.
- Although they were able to escape.
- The animals became passive because they learned that escape was impossible.
- This passive behavior has become a habit.
Acquired impotence unites victims with their torturers. This happens not only in romantic relationships, but between parents and children, in work relationships, friends, etc. Juan José M millus in your book? Is there something that is not like telling me ?, He said: Human beings are like goldfish, despite the beauty, some act like cannibals. In this book, the author recounts the sexual harassment suffered by Nevenka, by her boss, the mayor, Ismael. Alvarez.
“Why didn’t you defend yourself when Ishmael harassed you?” asked Nevenka. [?]. The existential process that Nevenka went through should not be very different from the process of colored fish [?]. One day, just after the relationship began, the goldfish approached and bit a fin. It was an unexpected attack [?]. ?]. Harassment doesn’t happen all of a sudden, it’s a slow process, every day there’s another assault. When this happens, you become powerless and have no control over the situation, you have not lost your fins, you have lost your will, your self-esteem and you end up in collusion with everything that happens to you.
What to do when the helplessness gained dominated his life and all the attempts were futile?
It’s not easy to get out of this vicious circle. Acquired impotence is characterized by low self-esteem. Why don’t you run away, confuse the victims who are convinced that there is no need to react, it is a psychological construct that allows people to be manipulated, so it is difficult to escape.
The first step is to recognize the impotence gained and ask for help, behavioral psychologists can help us. Any conditioned reflection can be erased, with the help of professionals, using techniques such as systematic desensitization, we erase step by step this conditioning, this learning must be accompanied by a great desire to regain self-esteem, to re-believe in oneself. If we can learn something that ends up hurting us, we can learn things that do us good.
Photograph courtesy of Abraham Pérez