The formation of self-esteem is driven (in part) by the family dynamics in which we were educated. It’s a legacy that leaves its mark and is sometimes difficult to heal. Especially if he came from a father or mother who never loved himself and was not good at meeting needs, encouraging or welcoming his children.
Many psychologists say that success in life requires a good dose of self-esteem, no matter whether we like it or not, but little?, give us so much determination, self-confidence and sense of competence. We often travel the world with such a low level of self-esteem that it is almost impossible to activate our mechanism of overcoming.
- Most fears of rejection arise from the desire to be approved by others.
- Don’t you base your self-esteem on the opinions of others? Harvey Mackay?.
As the famous cultural anthropologist Margaret Mead explains, the family is the first social group where all the interactions that occur determine a lot of who we are, our parents have the duty and obligation to fill this reservoir with adequate nutrients, rich components where there is no lack of security, affection, consideration and vital impulse that can encourage us to travel the world by feel important.
However, on this arduous path of self-esteem, we do not always receive this fuel, does this inevitably lead us to start a personal search to try to repair this childhood in which many things were missing?
Does the formation of our self-esteem begin in childhood, however, does this mean that self-esteem is completely determined by all this set of previous experiences in our childhood and youth ?, because in psychology, as in most sciences, the word?Determinism. ? It is dangerous and has deep nuances.
In psychological matters, everything that happened in childhood influences us a lot, but it does not determine us, that is, the human being and, above all, his brain, have a lot of plasticity and a great capacity to overcome. this forces us once again to look at the great importance of our education and the quality of relationships with those who care for us and provide us with not only support, but also an emotional and educational legacy.
To explore this topic further, it’s worth reading the books of Dr. Ed Tronick, a child development specialist and professor of pediatrics at Harvard University. An interesting fact cited by this psychologist is that to promote the development of children’s self-esteem it is necessary to listen emotionally to children. However, in many of his works he has shown that even good parents cannot keep up with their children even 40% of the time.
This data is likely to be alarming and even dramatic, however, Dr. Tronick points out something that invites us to think, the reason why many parents are not 100% connected to their children’s emotional needs is that they do not act that way with themselves. .
A stressed parent, full of unresolved emotional staminas and problems will send a series of codes, unconscious patterns and languages to the child who will absorb and act in the same way, in this case he will not be able to give the little ones the development of good self-esteem, because they do not have a good foundation, solid roots with which to set an example, guide with attention and safety.
The formation of self-esteem throughout childhood is mainly influenced by three factors: physical appearance, behavior and academic performance, the way our parents approach these three dimensions can prompt us to grow in safety and confidence or, on the contrary, to hide in the shell of impotence, loneliness and fear.
“The worst loneliness is not being comfortable with yourself. “Mark Twain?
Most complex of all, to this day, we continue to see how many parents are immature and unconscious when it comes to taking care of their language and how they communicate with children, you just have to listen to their conversations at school. door to understand how, inadvertently, they cut off the wings of their children’s self-esteem one by one.
The use of comparisons, absolutist statements (you are a denial, will you ever pass?) Or the inability to perceive hidden emotional problems, many times leads new generations to draw the same problem from their own parents: lack of self-esteem.
The family influences the formation of self-esteem, but what happened in the past should not condition our lives, it is in our hands to stop hurting us so that we do not have the fuel to feed self-esteem. It is possible to repair, a childhood of need to provide our maturity with everything others could not give us.
You have to learn to give yourself, stop looking outside for what you can find in yourself. Self-esteem should be worked every day; requires change, courage and, above all, a lot of self-love. Whatever our past, it’s always time to bring about change, to invest in self-esteem.