The fear of hurting someone manifests itself in a very common phrase: “I didn’t mean such a thing for fear of hurting you. “Everyone probably used that phrase one way or another, but what does it really hide?Hide a big lie associated with a sense of guilt.
How many things we’ve stopped talking and doing for fear of hurting someone else, or rather because we think it works that way, we don’t really know what can hurt a person and we’re not honest with ourselves. In secret, they confuse us with the need to protect us.
- We don’t tell the truth.
- We don’t maintain effective and authentic communication.
- We hide and hide a lot of information that the other person deserves and would like to know.
- And all this ends up having consequences that we often didn’t want.
- Consider.
We don’t have the ability to make a person feel a certain way. It is not up to us; neither our actions nor our words have that power, so we cannot know how anyone will feel about anything.
We ourselves are responsible for what we feel, we generate everything through the interpretations we give to something that has happened to us, that they have done to us or that they have told us, there are many phrases that make us believe that we are responsible for what others may feel:
With these phrases, and everything to do with the responsibility of how we make someone else feel, we stop taking on our responsibility and the reality that these feelings, these feelings and emotions, are generated by us, through our interaction with other people. .
Do we settle like that and use it? I’m like this? To justify that we believe that we are truly responsible for what the other person may feel.
We believe that what is really going on is that we are afraid to hurt someone else and support that thought, by believing this we can mistake ourselves indiscriminately. And in our fantasy, we are the saviors who prefer to deceive rather than hurt.
What is really justified by this attitude? We justify our fears and, above all, our guilt, when we feel guilty, immediately set off alarms to prevent the truth from being known, we protect ourselves from certain consequences that we do not want to bear.
However, we feel guilty because we automatically infer that the other person will take responsibility for what they feel. We can get rid of that guilt if we’re able to assume that we’re not responsible for what you end up doing the other person. Feeling.
It is the feeling of guilt generated by our own insecurities and thoughts that determines the behavior that takes us away from others. We protect ourselves by avoiding authenticity and clarity, because we do not face our fears.
You need to understand, accept and understand that you are not responsible for what someone else may feel, since you do not have the power to harm or avoid their pain, you will be in deep contact with yourself, you will not divert attention from what is really happening: your fears do not allow you to clearly understand that you are avoiding a situation that generates discomfort and anxiety.
Tackling this situation allows us not only to know each other better and to know our fears better, but also to regain the courage to be honest and face the consequences of our actions, which helps to maintain more authentic and stable relationships; based on trust.