To love you don’t have to give up who you are, a mature love integrates each other’s love with self-love, without any conflict of interest, you have to learn to love without forgetting yourself.
The loves governed by dependence and total abandonment without analysis make the person selfless in himself, disappear completely in the beloved, be fully absorbed. And once we cross the line, making denial our way of life, correcting is not so simple, because we are in a network of feelings and thoughts that we have created with the duties assumed.
- It is true that in a romantic relationship you have to accept and give up certain things.
- Because to be in a couple and have an emotional coexistence you have to negotiate many things.
- But the problem arises when this negotiating response goes far.
- Beyond and beyond the limits of reasonable.
- Directly affecting someone’s personal assessment or causing their destruction.
- There is no negotiation.
- But power relations.
- How much should we love?.
As Walter Riso says in one of his books, the limit is our dignity, our integrity, and our happiness. In other words, when he?Being for the other, prevents us from “being for ourselves”. This is where the dark side of love begins, which does not mean that our affection should diminish, but from there, love is no longer enough to justify emotional bonding for moral, physical, psychological and social costs. And while there are times when we can’t fall in love, we may not have a destructive relationship. However, many times while we are in the eye of the hurricane we do not notice it and the weather seems calm and peaceful.
Our culture has a great influence on us in these aspects, transmitting, on many occasions, clichés on love and irrational sentimental relationships, misconceptions based on absolute categories and ideas of suffering as conditions of great love, such as thinking that if someone does not suffer for us it is because that person does not love us, nor does he believe that love is achieved with constant sacrifices , perhaps the love we sow and sow is dogmatic, with many imperatives and rules, losing the ability to reinvent itself and foster dependence. .
Thus, if we move to the dark side of love, every new day we can feel it as a sharp fall or a permanent demotion, not being repeatedly sensitized to pain and suffering, by self-buttoning, which has its own arguments.
Therefore, it is necessary to create a two-way relationship, a two-way love, through a worthy self that allows us to balance the emotional exchange, it is not a question of dressing up in self-centered individualism or praising a rigid autonomy, of including ourselves ourselves in relationship, save our self love. Your partner is important and you are important, maintaining balance on both sides, including both in this round trip.
Self-love opens up more space for love, making it more mature and respectful.
Thus, some of the advantages of exercising responsible individualism in a loving relationship are: the development of human potential on the part of both, the promotion of reciprocity and the search for consensus, the end of assumptions about each other’s emotions, a healthy concern for the other, and the exercise of good communication and respect, always with the right emotional support.
Love is two-way. When we give love, we expect love. Romantic relationships thrive on sharing and balance.
Waiting to live, life passes. (Seneca).