Robert Sternberg is an American psychologist who developed an original theory about love and relationships, known as the ‘triangular theory of love’.
The three components of love, according to Sternberg, are: passion, intimacy and decision or commitment. Each of these concepts is defined as follows:
- ? Passion: a strong sexual or romantic desire.
- Accompanied by a tendency to seek physical and emotional union between them.
? Intimacy: Meet the other and trust what they feel, what they do and how they are. Proximity and concern for your well-being. Intimacy encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, and attachment.
? Decision or commitment: desire to maintain a link and sense of responsibility. Stay with the other person and share your dreams and accomplishments.
From this triangle, Sternberg proposes the idea that there are seven ways to love, depending on how each of these three aspects manifests.
This type of relationship occurs when there is intimacy between two people, but there is no passion or commitment, this form of love is characteristic of friendship. They are usually lasting relationships, even if there is no formal commitment.
Here we can quote the so-called ‘love at first sight’. There is passion, but without intimacy or commitment, as the name suggests, the feeling can be intense and persistent, but without depth.
This is typical of relationships where there is no longer passion or intimacy, but they are kept together thanks to the commitment of both parties, it is a form of bond that can occur with couples who have been together for a long time.
In romantic love there is passion and intimacy, but without commitment, it is characterized by an intense physical and emotional attraction among the couple, but that cannot survive the conflicts and stressful situations of daily life, it is usually a short-lived love.
In this kind of love there is intimacy and commitment, but without passion. They both enjoy each other’s company and decide to maintain the relationship, although there is no sexual or romantic desire. It is a form of love typical of great friends and more mature couples.
In this relationship there is a lot of passion and commitment, but not intimacy, usually the decision to stay together is born of a sexual or romantic desire, not trust and compatibility, this relationship is typical of insecure and dependent people.
It represents the ideal model of love, where all components are present: passion, intimacy and commitment.
Sternberg says that this kind of love is rare, but it is not difficult to find, but to maintain, to maintain it it is necessary to remember that love and love must be expressed constantly.
A study by the University of Santiago de Compostela concluded that men and women mainly value intimacy in any type of relationship.
Regarding passion, many couples surveyed say it is difficult to find total harmony between the couple, sometimes they need more and less, or vice versa, most agreed that over time the passion is over.
Something similar happened with the commitment of this study, it is not easy to find a symmetry between the two partners at this point, it seems that over time women expect a higher level of commitment, unlike men.
“The human heart is a multi-string instrument, does the perfect connoisseur of men know how to make them all vibrate like a good musician?
-Charles Dickens-