The imprint that paternal abandonment creates on a child causes a great emotional vacuum, that huge hole ends up ingesting, depressing and causing the emotional breakdown of our personal reality at all levels.
Through decades of attachment research, we know that healthy emotional bonds ensure the development of a full life in which healthy relationships, healthy self-esteem, and the safety and confidence of others will prevail. self-esteem and mistrust of the people around us.
- A negative emotional connection between parents and children generates destructive behaviors and enormous anxiety.
- So doing an exercise in introspection and additional detachment from this fact will help us to understand and develop it to ensure a greater emotional liberation and structuring of our personality (that is.
- How to behave with ourselves and with others).
- Surrounding areas).
Therefore, in this article we will try to clarify this to realign our emotional reality.
Today we talk about family relationships more easily than in the past, however, when it comes to the figure of an absent parent who also left the family home for any reason, we have to deal with a definition of indescribable.
So, in these cases, when you ask someone about your father, maybe the person empties, looks down and responds in a diffuse and evasive way, which clearly shows the difficulty he has in defining the emotional vacuum and dealing with the scars caused by abandonment.
In this sense, it should be noted that there are many types of abandonment, in fact, we could talk about as many types as there are cases in the world, among the most common are:
Psychological development on an emotional and mental level depends not only on the child, but also on his environment, the shadow of the absent father always refers, in one way or another, to family life.
It is not easy to assume that the father, the last link of reference with the mother, does not stay in our lives, so his absence strongly determines our own emotional evolution.
On the other hand, it is possible that, depending on our position in the family hierarchy, some family members assume the role of parents without being them, out of compassion or necessity, we may also be the ones who feel the pressure to deal with certain circumstances.
It is normal for the emotional father to also be the biological father; However, as we see, this is not always the case.
Thus, we should emphasize that depending on the evolutionary moment and the circumstances of abandonment, we will assume certain qualities, tasks, obligations or roles that do not correspond to us, so we should point out that:
When we put it into words, the tones of abandonment are more stubborn, because we do not anesthetize reality but we probably obscure it even more; In any case, our armor becomes harder and, at the same time, more fragile, making reconstruction. more complicated.
We know the secrets, we understand reality and we know how to read between the lines, but we are never prepared to disconnect from the idea of the father as a mentor, protector and hero.
Keep in mind that we’re not talking about overcoming loss, we’re talking about living with it. It is possible to overcome the loss of a wallet, and even our favorite toy, but overcoming the loss of a parent is impossible.
This must be understood this way, because if we want to convince ourselves that the loss of our own father does not matter, we will build castles in the air, it is an illusion to think that something with such emotional burden does not matter. us at all.
Developing and managing the type of abandonment of parents requires an individual and family forgiveness that is not always easy to obtain, if our entourage constantly punishes the face of our father, if we see great pain in our own mother, in our brothers or grandparents, we will probably project that same pain within ourselves.
Realizing this translates into progress, because we will separate other people’s pain from our own. Obviously, they’re both making a cocktail that will make us vulnerable, somehow, forever.
But if we surround the bond of suffering and encapsulate each fact in isolation, we can achieve a better understanding of the facts, this will help us not to store the pain or emotions that accompany it to continue taking small steps on our emotional path.