Feeling the warmth, attention and affection of a mother when she arrives in the world is perhaps one of the greatest needs that a human being can feel throughout her life, there will be few more things that we need, in fact, the first terror we know is the Fear of losing her, to have an absent mother who does not help us when we need it , if that happens, there’s nothing in the world to make up for.
In the first moments of our lives we are able to accept and endure everything it does, if you criticize us harshly or despise us we can forgive you in the blink of an eye, in fact, we do not even dare to question ourselves. What he did to us, but we blame ourselves for infuriing him. What we fear most in the early years is that he’s abandoning us.
“The hand that swings the cradle is the hand that rules the world” – William Ross Wallace-
As available as a mother is, sometimes she must be absent, leave us alone, even for short periods, but we do not accept that to happen, because when we are so young, we are not aware of the time and do not know if we gradually learn to face these brief absences, even if they mean pain and fear.
If, for some reason, our mother is absent not for short periods, but for the most part, a wound opens in our hearts, which may never close, and when the mother is completely absent, the emotional damage is so great that she will. leave a mark on our minds, especially if it happens during the first six years of our lives.
There are people who reach adulthood and are terrified of situations where they need to be alone. When no one is home, for example, a well of anguish opens inside them, where they feel drowned. Sometimes these people are lovely: do they have learned what they should?and be what others expect. But alone, they feel like terrified children succumbing to fear.
The absence of the mother can also be the cause of many sleep and eating disorders. Maybe the mother wanted her baby to eat and sleep, and manipulate it without giving her unconditional presence. Not sleeping or eating can sometimes become a way to counteract it. To recover a debt, although the one who ends up paying is the person himself.
A mother who is frequently absent and for long periods of time can induce a high state of anxiety in her child. There is fear when he leaves, but there is also fear when he returns, because the child does not know when he will leave. Are there mothers who use this fear to “control” their children?They threaten to abandon them when they don’t obey. The child has no escape if he doesn’t have a good enough mother.
The child who lives with an absent mother develops a behavior that follows a typical sequence: protest, despair and strangeness; absence does not trigger affection, but it drives emotions crazy; In the end, the solution is to block out feelings of love. sometimes cultivates a deaf hatred for being subjected to this vicious cycle of wanting and losing over and over again.
An absent mother can give birth to distant, angry and sad human beings. Your children learn, little by little and with the fiery soul, that they must face the world alone.
So, to survive this situation that children consider very dangerous, sometimes masks are put on: the kind, the obedient, the bullies of the ward, the callous . . . As adults, these people will find it difficult to recognize what is behind this false personality that they invented to deal with abandonment.
What is lost to a mother who gives up is trust in others. Also hope that someone can meet our needs or even love us. From there, as adults, we like to try to create bonds of absolute dependence, which fail several times.
On the other hand, relationships with others are sometimes still suspicious or require impossible behavior. What leaves a mother absent is a human being who learns to forge bonds full of anger, anguish and above all mistrust.