A relationship arises when two people decide to plan their lives together, so it is essential that the couple build a series of solid and robust pillars on which to build together all their projects, the concrete of these pillars is negotiation and agreement, bricks are love, respect and understanding.
Relationships often fail because the pillars of the relationship are absent, that is, because they never settled and, therefore, the couple has no basis to give them stability and security within the relationship.
- Failure.
- In many cases.
- Is due to a lack of agreement between the two members of the relationship.
- An agreement that establishes the pillars.
- So many relationships fail because the structure that is supposed to hold people together as a non-existing couple; the relationship has no basis to sustain it.
It is desirable that the pillars of the relationship be established at the beginning of the relationship, when the people who make up it become known, at this time it is essential to dialogue, get to know each other better and get to know others better. reach agreements that satisfy both members.
The pillars of the relationship are equivalent to the wheels of a truck: if a pillar breaks for any reason, all others must be checked, because the couple’s union is in danger.
Often, the couple still continues to connect for a while, even in the absence of a pillar, but with the deterioration that this entails, the relationship finally breaks down and still causes a very painful rupture.
We will talk about 9 pillars of the relationship, but they can be as many as each couple deems appropriate. Establishing these minimum pillars, which we will detail below, is essential for the couple to enjoy corporate happiness.
Love is a fundamental pillar, just like any other. To establish this pillar, it is essential that there be strong feelings between the two people.
For love to be a strong and sure pillar, we must know that, through the different stages of the relationship, its manifestation will vary, however, the feeling will become stronger over time if the other pillars of the relationship stabilize.
Communication is the channel through which the couple will resolve their differences and grow by making decisions and reaching satisfactory agreements for both.
It is important to create exclusive moments for the couple to communicate, share and decide together, as this pillar is essential for the rest of the relationship to continue.
Communicating means listening to and expressing your feelings, a basic pillar to really get to know each other and build trust among the members of the relationship.
Respect between the two members of the relationship is implicit in the relationships of couples who have been together for a long time, who grow and prosper happily.
Respecting the other means growing together, without imposition, without expectation of the other, without emotional dependence and without aggression. When there is respect, there can be proper love and communication.
Each person has their own scale of individual values. When we start a romantic relationship, we need to build a shared value scale, which may be different from the scale of individual values or even share some of the individual values.
In any case, it will be the values of the couple that will define how they will interact with the world and define the projects in common.
In all relationships, the time will come to propose a shared life, if the couple decides that is what they want, it is advisable to agree and share it both, so that the time comes, both feel safe in the face of their own way forward.
When the time comes, it is necessary to have already established the agreements of this basic pillar, such as economic agreements, the form of coexistence, the distribution of household chores, the organization of space and home, etc.
Being a member of a romantic relationship does not allow you to be yourself, for this it is necessary to clearly express who you are, in terms of tastes, opinions, ideology, individual values, social relations, etc.
The relationship should be a safe place where it is possible to be yourself, share with the couple at certain times and, at other times, maintain your own time, space and activities, not shared with the other member of the relationship.
In any emotionally sound relationship, personal freedom continues to exist, each member must decide to remain in the relationship of their own free will, as well as jointly decide what the pillars of the relationship will be. The person does not lose his freedom, wins a person with whom to share it.
The couple grew up when they shared projects and dreams. When the couple decides to share projects and fight for them, they increase the sense of unity between them, discovering that there is strength in unity and that they go further together than separated.
Walking towards a project may not be easy, but it will be very satisfying for the couple when the other pillars are firm and contribute to the strength and safety of the couple.
Loyalty is a covenant and a way of living sexual and emotional relations, it is up to the couple to decide how they want to define this pillar, being an indispensable condition that it is a mutual agreement, with which the two feel safe and confident in each other.